Christmas eve's eve
In honor of Christmas I decided to change the bedding for the chinchillas. (In case you wonder, I do change it at other times than Christmas too). It's easier to do during the day, because then the critters are wary of light and usually just huddle under the table while I do the cleaning. When done in the evenings, the furballs just go nuts and bounce all over the place. It's hard to scoop up dirty bedding when there's a chinchilla constantly sitting right on top of my hand. To them an outstretched arm or a shoulder is the perfect toy for climbing.

Their home consists of two cages. As I got done cleaning the upper one and was ready to lift it on top of the other cage I felt something climbing up my leg. Well, actually, she was using the cage's bars as handlebars and pressing her back against my leg for support. Once on top she, the most shy and easily freaked out one, started to panic, because she was so out in the open and you never know when a hawk might swoop down and grab her. She was running around in circles, peering down in apparent terror, but yet too scared to jump down from so high up. So I went on all fours next to the cage, she jumped on my back and from there to the floor.

I went to stand facing the cage again and much to my surprise she came back and did it all over again. And another time. On the fourth time she brought along her mother and they both climbed up my legs at the same time. It was such a great moment.

Furry (& Merry) Christmas to everybody!
Posted 21:35

Sad moments
Mom called last night. She managed to say "I have some bad news" before breaking into tears. While the news had been expected by everybody, we had all still lived in hope. It was their dog. She has cancer. "The doctor said it's only a matter of days now."

This dog means the world to my mom and her husband. She's quite possibly the most spoiled dog in the world. Being of a small Papillon breed, this dog was carried around everywhere like a baby. Her death will be absolutely devastating.

I went to see her today. It was a good day for her. She actually came outside to greet me, while at the same time I noticed my mom's husband working in the front yard. "He's digging a grave before the ground freezes." It was very surreal. While petting the dog my mom's husband went to measure the dog's basket again, before resuming digging. After he had finished he sat down, took a beer, looked 10 years older than he is and began to cry.

They are hoping that they can find a vet who will do housecalls. If not, one possibility will be to shoot her. She's terrified of the vet's office and as horrible as shooting feels like, it still sounds a bit better than having the dog's last moments be in terror.

I just can't imagine my mother's place without her. Without her running up to my car as soon as I've pulled in and barking in excitement. Without her next running to her toys and wanting me to play with her. Without her begging to sit in my lap as soon as I've sat down. The place won't ever feel the same without her.
Posted 19:18

Reflections
I think it's quite pointless to mention that I haven't felt much like writing in this blog for quite some time now. I am sure that fact is evident to everybody. The underlying reasons may be many, I don't know, but for some reason I have simply lost the desire to chronicle my thoughts and actions to the outside world. However, there is something that has been brooding in my mind for a few months now, constantly spinning in circles and never arriving anywhere. Perhaps by attempting to write about it, I can make more sense of it.

As I've probably written before, for quite some years now I've felt like my life has been lacking a direction. I have no career or a family, the two main things that adults are supposed to have. I've tried not to stress overly about it and tell myself that there are other ways to live ones life than the stereotypical mold that most fit in. Still, I've felt that I am doing something wrong.

Seemingly out of nowhere, the desire to go to England came about. People kept asking me about it, but I could never explain exactly why I wanted to go there. I had a strong sense of premonition, I could almost literally feel my destiny pulling at me and I was absolutely certain that the 'rest of my life' was neatly tucked away in Britain and just awaiting my arrival.

For the most part I had a good time in England. I certainly like the place. As for my life however, the country brought no answers. There were no lightning flashes or sudden revelations on how to live my life from there on. It was a magnificent experience and I am very glad that I did it, but otherwise I am just as clueless as previously. Actually even more so than before.

I have no idea what to do with my life. What is the purpose of this all? England was the shining beacon that was meant to guide me into the future, but now that it has failed, I find myself adrift at sea alone in the dark. Go back to some crappy job as a cleaner and that's it then until retirement and death all alone without a family?

I spent all of June in a kind of a coma. I slept for 9-10 hours every night, 2-3 hour naps during the day and the rest of the time on the couch staring at the tv like a vegetable. Things got better in July when the heat wave struck Finland as well and I was dragged off to the beach almost daily. It's hard to remain depressed when bouncing around in a warm ocean. The nagging thoughts still wouldn't let me be though. Should I go back to England? How would I organize everything, because this time I'd have no place to go to initially and I'd definately have to take the chinchillas with me. Was my destiny still hiding away there and I just needed to look deeper or is my life only whatever I myself make it out to be, whether I am in Finland or in Botswana? What exactly would be the life I'd wish for myself? Round and round again.

I have a small plan now. I've set myself a certain goal, if only to keep myself sane. I need something to look forward to, something to strive for. Little voices in my head keep telling me that I am only going to fail, but I refuse to listen. I haven't told my plan to a single person nor am I going to write about it here. I have a stupid superstition that if I voice my plan then it will be guaranteed to fail.

In the meanwhile I have started a new crappy job in a warehouse packing stuff. At least it pays better than cleaning did. I have no money so I had to take some job, while applying and praying for something better to come my way. My father lives abroad and has a perfectly fine apartment in Helsinki doing nothing, so I have decided to move all of my things there and put my own apartment up for rent instead. The government will steal 30% of the rent for themselves and I still have to pay for the monthly upkeep costs, but it'll still mean a little bit of extra money per month.

Slowly things are beginning to fall into place more. I'm still filled with anxieties and stress over the future, but at least there is some hope once again. And I was right. Writing all of this, as vague and insubstantial it may be, has still been a therapeutic experience. Hopefully I can eventually bring back the desire to write more, not only for this blog, but for the book I was supposed to have worked on this summer. You haven't seen the last of me yet.
Posted 12:58

Good read
What do women want? It was just so excellently written that I wanted to save a link...
Posted 20:02

Hurray!
Best news in a while, for me anyhow. Stargate SG-1 is going to get an 8th season!
Posted 21:30

Sports lunatics
Found this old article on CNN: Europe: A continent of bizarre sporting endeavour.

Finland's sporting heritage

Nowhere is this sense of sporting innovation more evident than in Finland, which boasts more sporting competitions than almost any other country in the world.

Here, alongside better known events as football, skating and cross-country skiing, you will encounter such delights as the World Mosquito-Killing Championship -- won last year by Henri Pellonpaa with 21 kills in five minutes -- and, of course, the unmissable Air Guitar World Championships.

If you head north into the Arctic Circle you can take in a bit of reindeer racing, at the same time keeping yourself warm by participating in one of the country's legendary vodka-drinking contests.

The jewel in Finland's sporting crown, however, remains the Sonkajarvi World Wife-Carrying Championships.

Originating in the 19th Century when, apparently, it was common practice for men to steal wives from neighbouring villages, the contest involves husbands carrying their wives over a 253.5-metre (277-yard) obstacle course, cheered on by 7,000 ecstatic spectators.

The winner receives his spouse's weight in beer, and, more importantly, the honour of being Wife Carrying Champion for a year. Such things can mean a lot to a man.

They forgot about the swimming contests, in frozen water in the winter or the one that determines who can stay in a sauna the longest.
Posted 10:49

Hot, hot, hot
I don't think I've ever in my life, in Finland, seen the weather broadcast predict +30C (86F) temperatures before. As crappy as the summer has been so far, weatherwise, this week is certainly making up for it. I burned my face at the beach yesterday and now look like a drunkard with my red nose.
Posted 10:46

Juhannus
Finland gets ready to celebrate Midnight Summer Festival, which revolves around the longest day of the year. It's one of the few "pagan" festivities still left, with its spells and bonfires. It's the day when most couples in Finland choose to get married. For the others the tradition is to seek out a remote lake-side cabin, swim, go to sauna, get drunk and burn sausages by the fire. For a few weeks before people begin asking each other where they plan to spend their juhannus this year. It's better to invent something rather than say that you are staying in the city. All the roads get jammed with thousands of people trying to get away. The major news headlines deal with how many people died in traffic this year and how many drowned. Despite all the warnings and education, as many people drown during juhannus than do the rest of the year put together. Drunk people and water is a bad combination.

There is quite a lot of superstition and a form of witchcraft associated with juhannus. Not something that anybody takes seriously anymore, but long ago these couple of days, and especially tonight, were the times when to make certain kinds of "spells". I can only remember one off the top of my head: You need to gather seven different kinds of wildflowers and tonight when you go to sleep place them under the pillow. During the night you will then dream of the person you will marry.

Unfortunately I can never remember my dreams...
Posted 14:11

Politics
Finnish prime minister Anneli Jäätteenmäki has chosen to resign. Even the BBC reported about it. The whole "Iraq scandal" has been the staple fodder of the newspapers since my return, but frankly I haven't paid that much attention. The previous prime minister Lipponen may have talked with Bush and some memo about it may have leaked out, but I still fail to see the gravity of the situation. This is Finland we are talking about. Just what did we have to do with the situation in Iraq, I ask? Apparently the main problem stemmed from these words:

According to the document, "President Bush praised Finland as a good partner and thanked the Finnish Government for the stands it has taken on Iraq, and for joining the coalition."

The opposition then claimed that Lipponen had offered military aid to USA without first consulting the parliament. This was used as a political weapon in the elections, resulting in the opposition party gaining majority and one of their own being chosen as the new prime minister. Blah, blah, blah.

While information leaks are by no means a good thing, changes were going to happen regardless. Lipponen was prime minister for eight years already. Economy is going down, unemployment is increasing - just the circumstances when the people begin to listen to the opposition, telling all the things that the current government is doing wrong and how the opposition would make things right. Finland has three major parties which are constantly circulating in the seat of power. The Centre Party had been in the background long enough for the people to think that it could do what the Coalition Party and the Social Democrats have failed at.

Personally I am sad to see Finland's first female prime minister lose her position so quickly. The current government managed to be in power for little over 60 days only.
Posted 11:47

Add-on
Just as I finished writing the one below, I stumbled upon an article about a game based on Sep 11th. Nothing is sacred. But again, should it be? As the cliche goes, have they won otherwise?
Posted 18:10

One of the things I've read today
There's an article over at NY Times about a strict-muslim female comedian, who makes jokes about suicide bombers among others.

''If the comedy doesn't work out,'' she continues, ''I'm going to become a suicide bomber. I went to see my job counselor, and he said, 'Previous experience not required.'''

One of the things I am often wondering about is when and if comedy can go too far. Some people argue that there is no subject that cannot be made fun of, on the basis that humour has the ability to transfer even forbidden and hurtful things into something positive, that if we can laugh about it then it will cease to haunt us. I don't know if I'd still want to hear jokes about incest or disabilities for example though. Where do you draw the line though? If it's not okay to joke about invalids, why is it alright to make fun of blondes? If you take the stance that anything (jokes, books, movies etc) that offends a person, any person, should not be allowed, then pretty soon we're left with nothing. Why is it alright for black people to make jokes about black people, but a white person doing the same is soon labeled a racist? Should we all just learn to take things easier and learn to laugh about ourselves or is it wrong to become desensitized to everything? How long will it take from making jokes about greedy Jews to thinking that the Nazis were onto something after all? Too many times we are forced to simply laugh along, whether we find the joke offensive or actually funny. Well, there's a saying in finnish that goes along the lines of "laughter lengthens your life". That's something at least.
Posted 17:58

Finns
This to me describes perfectly yet another aspect of finnish mentality:

Since coming back I've kept my car in the old spot where it was before. In theory, you are expected to rent out a particular space and pay for it monthly, but nobody seemed to mind me keeping my car in that spot for free before, so... I've been using my car all the time and every time I've come back home, the spot's been free so I've parked in it as before. However this morning there was a note on the windshield that said "You've kept your car in my spot for a whole week! I have ordered a towtruck". Oh good grief. I can understand if he didn't want to say anything on the first day, perhaps thinking that I was some stupid visitor to the house and would soon depart, but how hard would it have been on the 2nd day to just place a note that said "This spot is mine". But oh no. I can picture him staring at my car for a whole week, every time cursing harder and harder to himself, yet not doing anything about it, up until to the point where he obviously thought I was taking his spot just to spite him and that he'd have to take "drastic" measures to get rid of me (surprising that he didn't threat with the police/landlord too...) Whereas had I known from the beginning that the spot was now rented to somebody else, I would have never used it.

If a neighbour is making a noise, a Finn will never ring their doorbell and ask them to keep it quiet. They won't even drop an anonymous note into the mailbox. Instead they'll suffer for a few weeks, pent-up all their anger and then go straight to the landlord demanding that the neighbour be evicted immediatelly. Such silly people.
Posted 20:45

Oh well
So much for my decision to update daily from now on. I have no excuses this time. I even got myself a cable modem the day I got back to Finland. Simple truth is that I weaned myself off computers and as somebody predicted to me, the internet just isn't as fun as it used to be. I have yet to gain back the magic. I wonder if anybody even bothers to visit here anymore. Doesn't really seem worth the effort. Maybe I will mend my ways. I have learned not to make any promises.
Posted 20:14

Catching up
It's extremely hard getting caught up with 7 months of stuff. Do you have any idea how many on-line comics I have to read? All of Dork Tower, PvP, Real Life, Get Fuzzy, Pearls before swine, Heart of the city etc etc. Oh, pity me ;)
Posted 21:09

New beginnings
Third day of being back to Finland and I am slowly adapting to life back here. I'm not really sure what to think. It'll probably take me a few days to sort out my thoughts and actually make a coherent entry out of them. I don't even know where to begin right now. Nonetheless, hopefully I'll get back on track with this whole blogging thing from now on though.
Posted 20:13

Excuses galore
Time sure flies I must say... The past four months have gone twice as fast as the first three months I spent in England. I guess it means that I have finally gotten used to this place. Nevertheless, I am going back to Finland soon. Yep, that's right. I thought long and hard about it, but at the moment I really need a long relaxing holiday, in a stress-free environment, ie my own apartment that I won't have to share with anybody. There's a lot of things I want to write about, but I've also had my share of internet cafes for a long time. Just while writing this the guy next to me keeps reading my screen. I. Want. My. Own. Computer. And. Internet. Connection! Sorry...
Posted 18:00

Good news
I am generally completely out of the loop when it comes to news about Finland, but I was thoroughly delighted recently to hear that Finland now has, for the first time, a female prime minister. A woman as president and prime minister! Excellent!

"Commenting on Jäätteenmäki’s appointment, President Tarja Halonen encouraged all Finnish men to take pride in the fact that Finland now has its first woman Prime Minister. Men in Finland are generally all in favour of equality. President Halonen said this was “good PR for the people of Finland and especially for Finnish men”. "
Posted 17:11

Yippee!
Summer is here, summer is here! Woohoo! It's unbelievably warm. So far I've spent the day walking around, in just a t-shirt and shorts I might add (whee), Kew Gardens and soon I am off to London to see Ian McKellen in Dance of Death. Life is very good!
Posted 18:48

War related thoughts
It's a bit too late to make these comments now, but there's been a couple of thoughts which have bothered me about the whole war thing since the beginning.

First of all, whatever happened to Afghanistan? Back in the day when that war hadn't quite started yet, the officials were all saying how much they care about the Afghanistan people, how much they want to help, how it's all about freeing these people from an oppressive rule etc etc. The war happened and there were stories of food being dropped for the civilians and whatnot. Supposedly the people of Afghanistan were set free and things got much better over there. When the war in Iraq was looming in the near future and opposition against it was great, why didn't they bring in Afghanistan? Why didn't they show the people of that country, interview them and ask them just how much better their life was now as compared to before? Make big documentaries about the women in Afghanistan, people's better lives and everybody praising America for freeing them. Surely that would have persuaded a lot of protesters that perhaps a similar liberation war in Iraq was justified after all? Perhaps the truth is that nothing has changed in Afghanistan, certainly not for the better and the officials would rather forget all about Afghanistan, because otherwise people will remember Osama bin Laden and that he was never found.

The other thing which has bothered me is that can't these Iraqi people do anything for themselves? If the people had truly wanted to be free, then nothing would have stopped them. All these years the whole population has supposedly feared and despised Saddam and yet have done absolutely nothing about it, except further bolster his ego and spread his propaganda. They have complained about how last time, after the Gulf War, the coalition forces let them down. But ultimately, doesn't the job of liberation and opposition belong to the Iraqi people themselves? I am reminded of East Germany and the general downfall of the socialist countries in Europe around 1989. In Romania the people even went as far as to hunt down their dictator and execute him right then and there along with his wife themselves. And we're talking about countries were dictators, secret police, interrogations, people vanishing in the night and other kinds of atrocities had also gone on for years. Now that many Iraq cities have been freed from oppression by foreign forces, what have most of them done? Turned to looting and destroying their country and again they show Iraqi people demanding that the coalition forces do something about it. I think it's time those people took control of their own lives instead of constantly waiting for things to be arranged for them by others.
Posted 18:04

Celebrity spottings
I had Jeremy Northam as a customer the other day! I behaved very well and treated him like any other customer, but I have to say... So so sexy and that voice... Oh. My. God. Now where's Colin Firth hiding at?
Posted 17:04

The Road Trip, 25th to 27th of March

Day 1 - 790 km from Hounslow, London to somewhere near Edinburgh, Scotland

The day begun very early as my roommate returned from her trip at 2am and then decided to start unpacking her suitcase right then and there. When she finally finished at 3am it took me another hour to finally fall asleep again. So I ended up sleeping late and didn't get started until 10.30. I was expecting a 600 km drive of around 8 hours long to the town of Falkirk west of Edinburgh.
Most of the drive was very uneventful. I drove, drove and drove along the major freeways north, seeing nothing much except countless other cars. Sometimes it feels as if my finnish license plate has converted into a 'driving school' sign. No matter what the cost or danger, no matter how much traffic there is to slow them down after me, no matter how fast I am going, some drivers must absolutely get past me. In general I find drivers in England to be more unpredictable than in Finland. People here do not seem to care so much about lanes or about staying on them. Multi-lane roundabouts especially are a bit hectic with cars bolting here and there, jumping over lanes. Another peculiarity over here is that while they may be two lanes going over an intersection, after the intersection there is only one lane. It makes for some interesting situations.
I passed by dozens of manure smelling fields and countless sheep. Further up north there started to be a lot more of those beautiful rolling grass hills that are like a trademark of the English countryside. The hills are decorated with old stone fences, with groups of white dots grazing in each section. Very picturesque.
As I begun to approach Glaslow and Edinburgh the problems began. I have an uncanny ability to always pick the wrong road. I'm never exactly lost. I know that I am on the wrong road, I know that I am going in the wrong direction, but yet when I try to rectify the situation I just end up messing up even more. I miss the exit that I was supposed to take, I take the next one and turn back, except going that way there is no such exit to take. I turn around again, end up in a roundabout and take the wrong exit out. If one of those surveillance devices were installed into my car that would allow others to track its whereabouts, my car could easily become a comedy show on tv.
So I ended up going round and around near Glasglow and Edinburgh. Back and forth, north and south, not quite ever getting where I wanted to. It got dark and I decided to forget about Falkirk. I had no specific instructions to the bed&breakfasts' there and didn't want to end up going round and about in that town as well. I decided to go to one of the roadside Travelodges that I had seen plenty of along the way from London. Of course now I couldn't find one. There wasn't a single one between Glasglow and Edinburgh. I drove through Edinburgh, thinking the hotels there would probably be far too expensive.
I finally found a Travelodge east of the city, except they were all full. The helpful receptionist however called to a nearby b&b and a man from there came to pick me up. I followed his car to... here. I have no idea where I am exactly. I seem to be the only guest. A very, very nice, old house. Just the entrance was worth a 'wow'.
The host asked me where I was coming from and when I replied London his response was 'Much quieter here and friendlier people'. Hmm. I thought all the English people thought the Scots were the rude ones...
I am utterly exhausted. It's weird how much just sitting in a car and driving can be tiring.

Day 2 - 410 km from Inveresk to Inverness

I slept for nearly 10 hours and woke up feeling very refreshed. I was treated to a nice breakfast of porridge and an omelette. I ate everything they brought before me, getting the whole money's worth. That seems to be my motto while travelling...
I found out that the town I was in was called Inveresk, by Musselburgh. Before leaving I visited the local church and walked around the surrounding graveyard for a while. I don't have any morbid fancies, but the gravestones were rather interesting, all very old and with rather detailed descriptions of the people buried there.
Then it was time to head towards Inverness, further up north. After getting past Glasgow I did the entire trip along a narrow twining road that went through absolutely magnificent scenery. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was so beautiful I thought my little heart would simply burst. I took picture after picture, but unfortunately none of them do justice to the grandness of the landscapes.
A lot of it reminds me of Lapland (northern Finland) except Scotland has higher, pointier mountains and in place of free roaming reindeer there's sheep instead. I saw a herd of pink sheep today! Really. For some reason all the sheep have a spot of various coloured paint on them, but this group was completely painted. They were quite cute actually.
Didn't see any animals rising out of Loch Ness however, unfortunately.
Finding a place to stay at in Inverness was amazingly easy, for a change. Dozens upon dozens of bed&breakfasts along the main road and I just picked one with the biggest car park. Part of me is a bit paranoid about these places. I keep thinking of that motel in the Psycho movie. I wish I was travelling with somebody, but if I always waited for a willing travelling companion, I'd never go anywhere.
I love the way people talk here, even if I can barely understand a word of it. British english accent (which one of the many one might ask) is still my favourite, but scottish is certainly a close second. There's a 'Clan FM' radiostation, heh, and of course BBC Scotland and BBC Gaelic radio as well. Amidst all of the pipe music, I've been listening to hours of news and speculation about the war. One of the newspaper headlines I saw today said 'Desert rats killed by friendly fire' referring to two more British men killed by the coalition forces. Rats? Not a very complimentary term to use of ones own troops I would say.
The only regret that I have is that I don't have enough time. Now all I do is spend the day driving in a car, arrive at some accomodation somewhere and fall asleep exhausted. I did manage to walk to the center of Inverness today, only to find a big shopping center there. Deep down all the cities and towns are much the same as the next one. Along the way I saw something funny though... A big plaque on a building saying 'John Harrigan & Sons Funeral Parlour' and pointing to the back of the building another sign with an arrow and text 'Deliveries'. Heh heh.
There are a lot of very beautiful villages here, but the nature is what I came to see this time. I'd really love to see the western isles (outer hebrides) and drive all the way to the northest point of Scotland, but tomorrow I'll need to head back towards the south.

Day 3 - 1100 km from Inverness to London

Another well spent night. Went to breakfast at 8 where I got into talking with the host and another guest. Being the Finnish person that I am, I didn't quite know what to say though. Small talk really isn't one of my expertise. I must say though that all the Scots that I met, were very friendly. I wouldn't mind living in Scotland for a while either. Such a beautiful country too. It's funny though how everything is so centered on Scottish things. Instead of the 'traditional English breakfast' you get the 'traditional Scottish breakfast', except both meals have the exact same ingredients.
On the road the first news I was hit with was "A mother and a child were found dead in a bed&breakfast in Blackpool". Hmmm.
I did a quick tour of Inverness before taking the road southwards. My plan was to drive southeastish of Edinburgh and stay there for another night. As you might have noticed already, I kind of changed my mind along the road however. I realized how utterly fed up I was with driving. I couldn't bear the thought of a fourth day in a row spent on the road. So I could either continue onwards, get all of the driving done once and for all, save money by sleeping at home instead of in a b&b where I'd get killed, get home on Thursday meaning I could spend all of Friday recuperating or I could have stayed in Scotland for another night. Well, I went for the first choice. Perhaps not one of my smartest ideas, but it's done now.
On the way I began to doubt if I had taken one wrong exit too many at a roundabout as I passed by the towns of Aberdeen, Dundee (Crocodile) and Perth. I had no idea Australia was so closeby to Scotland! I also drove past Cockburnspath (the road less travelled by men), stopped for some gas at Eyemouth (right next to Burnmouth and Low Cocklaw) and went onwards past Brownieside. Strange names galore.
The entire trip took me 12 hours. Frankly, my butt's utterly sore. I don't even want to see my car tomorrow. You may wonder why I don't write more about my daily life. It's because I am prone to do a lot of stupid things, often, and the less the world knows about it, the better. I definately want to return to Scotland one day, but... from London to Inverness and back... in 3 days. Never again.
Posted 16:40

The War
Well, the inevitable did finally happen and for the first time in my life I find myself living in a country that is at war. Although I am still a foreigner here, it is still a very different feeling to see and read the news from the perspective of a country whose citizens ("Our Boys") are out there fighting, rather than sitting at the edge of Europe and following the war from a completely outsider's point of view. I find myself glued to the television for hours just watching news about the war. I wonder how long that will last. How long will they continue to broadcast news for almost 24 hours a day? How long is this war going to take?

Btw, heard something very interesting today on the radio. Unfortunately I can no longer remember who said it, but it was an interview of some military official or other discussing the possibility that they may end up in a siege in Basra. He said along the lines of "The siege may go on for a long time, because food will not be a problem for these people. Saddam has provided these people with 30-60 days worth of supplies just for cases such as this. Clean water will be the major problem." I just thought a comment like that was very interesting considering how Saddam was supposed to be, all this time, starving his own people. I know Saddam isn't a nice man even if, all this time, he was baking cakes for his citizens, but still made me wonder just how much of the atrocities that Saddam is made responsible for are really propaganda and always have been. Nothing new there I guess.
Posted 20:12

For My Readers
This blog is almost a year old now, on March 27th to be exact, but if I left this reminiscing until then, I'd surely forget all about it. One year ago I certainly had no idea where I would be now. In some ways my life has really changed, but deep down everything is still just the same. Locations may change, but I remain the same person still. Rather unfortunate in some ways. My birthday is coming up and I still, as always, find myself single, careerless and generally with no idea what to do about my life. I thought London might change all of that, but no big revelations so far. It's just my usual birthday-approaches-melancholy, nothing to worry about.

Thanks to every single person who has visited these pages. I realize that in the past months there really has been nothing worth visiting for as I get so little time on-line. I haven't read other people's blogs much at all, let alone e-mail anybody really. Lately I have noticed a couple of new people who have dropped by and even left comments, something which has been really great. I actually wish I had more time to devote to this internet thing, but... The person next to me talks to himself, waves his arms around and smells funny. I truly hate internet cafes. A quick e-mail to my mother and I am out of this place...
Posted 18:41

Same old news
I'm still definately against a war (which does not equate to pro-Saddam as some others have also pointed out), but some days I can't help but groan in agony at the "news" of the day. Yet another speech by Bush or Blair about how Saddam must be disarmed and about how he is running out of time. Yet more news about UN resolutions and dead-lines. Same old over and over again. Everybody knows there is going to be a war in the end, no matter what. All those troops and resources weren't moved over for nothing. Regardless of resolutions or disarmaments, they'll always make up some excuse. They'll have to now. Bush's ego demands it, especially after having failed to capture Osama. So, I really don't want a war, but a lot of time it feels like they should just stop repeating the same old stuff about the whole thing and just get on with the inevitable.
Posted 15:22

Cosmic Karma in action
While at work a man walked towards me carrying a plate of food with him. He leaned closer to me and said "I'm just gonna walk on by, cause I'm one of those travelling men". I raised an eyebrow and figured he was making some kind of a joke. I told him with a chuckle that I needed money for the food. Again he repeated that he wanted to just walk by without paying. I repeated that I wanted money. Things got much worse from there on. I was told that I should be ashamed of myself and that I wasn't fit to be called a human being. From there on he started yelling how this was his country and that ragheads (pointing at my co-worker who actually happens to be Iraqi of all things) and foreigners (pointing at me) were all going to be blown up by the yanks. "They're going to come and blow all of your kind away!"

Thing is, if he had walked up to me and simply explained that he was starving and could I please let him have the food for free, I wouldn't have been able to deny him. But the more he yelled, the more my stubborn streak settled in and the less I was going to let him have anything at all. He ended up leaving empty handed and I threw away the perfectly good food. I felt guilty, but I felt even more irritated still. I kept telling myself that if the man had only acted nicer, I would have been nicer towards him. How conceited. The one with all the luxuries in life dictating rules on how famished people should beg? Doesn't mean that the man's insults were right either though or that he was a particularly nice man, but I should have tried to see them more against his background and desperation. I have absolutely no inclination about what he is going through.

The universe decided to teach me a lesson. The very next day as I was driving to work I got into an accident. There was a man crossing the street suddenly behind a corner. A motorcycle stopped abruptly to avoid hitting the pedestrian. A car ran into the motorcycle and I ran into the back of that car. None of us were going fast and luckily nobody got hurt. Still, my car's facing repairs, much of which will have to be paid by me. The owners of the car I ran into might decide to make me pay for whatever damage I did to the back of their car. All kinds of mess trying to figure out how my finnish insurance will work here.

I got the point, thank you.
Posted 15:22

The long expected part... err update
It's been three weeks since I left Finland. Nothing much has happened, but time has still gone by fast. I am trying to get used to an internetless life once again. I got spoiled on my recent visit. This is going to be a far too long and rambling update, but here it is anyhow - my life during the past weeks:

The last day in Finland was not a very pleasant one. I really really did not want to leave. I did leave though and not just because I had to, but because I was not ready to give up so easily.

The boatride from Helsinki to Germany was very relaxing. There were so few passengers that I got the entire cabin to myself. They're the size of a large hotel room - two beds, couch, armchair, huge desk... bigger than some people's apartments. All the food was included in the price and I was determined to eat my money's worth. I came to regret that decision. My Friday's program was such: wake up at 8, breakfast, back to sleep, wake up at 12, lunch, watch a movie, tea&cake, little shopping, shower and dinner. The next morning at breakfast I could barely eat a few pieces of fruit.

The carride from Germany to Holland took me 6 hours, all done in very bad fog. I could barely see the road, my poor car was trying its best to go 150km/h (about 100mi/h) and still those crazy german drivers just zoomed past me. Most of them were doing at least 200km/h (130mi/h). In that fog. Lunatics.

Miraculously I found my way directly to SPB, hesitantly knocked on the door and it was opened by a person who didn't look much like his pictures. My first, silly, question was "Do I know you?". We went for a little bit of Rotterdam sightseeing and I found myself a cheap printer. Due to his cats and my damn allergies I spent the night at another Dutch friend where I met some other old friends as well. It felt like I had just been there when in fact it was almost 2 years since I was in Holland before. The guys kept me up late so that the next morning I slept in late and had just about time to pick up some of my things from SPB and then head for the ferry.

When I finally arrived on English soil it was already about 9pm and pitch black outside. No street lights and it also started to rain. Not the best time to learn how to drive on the left side of the road, I'd say. Frankly, I was absolutely terrified. It was so strange when my brains knew that I need to drive on the left, but my instincts kept screaming at me to change lanes quickly or I'd end up in a head-on collision. I had to constantly tell myself that no, everything is just fine. All the speedlimits and distances are in miles so I have to constantly convert to kilometers to know how fast I can go and how far to go still. I had the strangest feeling when I finally turned onto the driveway at "home". It was definately a very Twilight Zone feeling. There was the house and there was my car, but the two of them didn't belong together. It wouldn't have been any weirder had my car suddenly dropped out of the sky.

The next day I went to the grocery store for the first time with a car. It was such bliss. I could buy anything and everything I needed without having to think how much I would be able to carry back in the bus. Overnight my brains had gotten used to the idea of left-side driving and it felt perfectly natural. Not once did I have to even think about it. Roundabouts are still a bit funny and in general I keep getting lost all the time though. All the roads are lined with these endless nearly-identical houses and so every place looks the same to me. It's amazing how many times I can just circle around and around and still not get where I wanted to.

As I got back to work things got a bit more interesting over at Heathrow airport. Due to fears of an imminent terrorist attack the army was called in to patrol the airport. I never saw any of the tanks myself. My only special sighting was a police officer carrying a machine gun and being escorted by two army guys as they walked through our unit. We are no longer allowed to have trash bins in open areas. Certain places had to be cleaned out completely to allow quick access to see whether somebody has planted a bomb in there or not. Our place was evacuated once due to an unknown bag that had been left behind. With all the warning signs, announcements and police officers patrolling about, it's still amazing how many people leave their luggage behind "just to make a phone call" and then wonder what the big deal was.

For the past week I've been sick, once again. I really can't believe it. The same old cold keeps coming back. When I got back from Finland I was feeling fine, but some people at work were still sick. A week later I had gotten the cold back from them. This time I decided to get myself some sick days off, even though they are all unpaid. This lead to an unbelievable quest into the English medical system. Either there is a major shortage of doctors in the London area or something else is seriously wrong. Most of the doctors operate in these very small practices, basically a private home where a couple of rooms have been converted into a waiting room and the doctor's room. I visited or called quite a number of these. They refused to see me either because I was not registered there or because I lived too far away. I offered to pay money, but still they wouldn't take me. I went to the Hounslow health center and their first available appointment would have been in two weeks. I even called the Finnish embassy to ask if I was doing something wrong or if finding a doctor in England really was so difficult. After waiting for three hours at one place I finally got into see this person who didn't exactly dazzle me with her professionalism. But she granted me the sick leave that I needed, so it was alright.

Enough rambling for now?
Posted 17:40

Alive and kicking
Back in England and so far no ran-over pedestrians. A more thorough report later on when I have more time.
Posted 19:23

Time to go, once again
My ship leaves in a few hours. I can see it from the window, as much as is visible through the snowfall and fog. It's essentially a cargo ship, but it has a few cabins for passengers as well. I'll be sharing mine with somebody else. I should arrive in Germany on Saturday morning. From there I will be driving to Holland where I will spend the night. On Sunday I will then take a ferry from Holland to England and drive the remaining about 150km to home. On the left side of the road. Quite an adventure again.

I don't want to go. I got a taste of the good life again, enjoying all the luxuries and friends. I don't want the holiday to end and to go back to work. I don't want to end up cramped in a small room with a roommate again. I want to be able to use the internet daily. I want to lie on the couch and watch TV. I want people to speak Finnish. I want to go out with friends.

I've learned not to worry too much about my emotions however. Not too long ago I was feeling reluctant to leave England. Once I get back there I'll know how I will really feel. Right now however I just feel like staring at the wall and sighing, instead of packing. I think about my pets in the care of a stranger. I think about my mother crying. Is it all really worth it? I'm back to the whining and moping again.
Posted 15:59

Joke especially for SPB and Weezil
(Trying my best to translate this joke I heard today...)
A blonde was driving down the street when she got pulled over by a police. The cop asked for registeration and licence, as usual. The blonde however had no idea what the policeman meant, but she started looking all over anyhow, checking under the seats and everywhere. The policeman figured that she must have a driver's licence at least and finally told her "It's one of those square things with your picture on it." The blonde went "aahh" and handed a mirror to the cop. The policeman took a look at it and said "You don't need a ticket, why didn't you tell me you're a police officer too?"
Posted 20:39

Right to have children
Sometimes things happen which make me think that we just took another backwards step towards the dark middle-ages again. The latest decision by the Finnish parliament to ban fertility treatments from single women and lesbian couples is one of these absurd mistakes.

In a perfect world every child would have a loving mother and a father, both of the rolemodels would be present in the child's life to teach and guide the child to adulthood. In our world however that rarely happens. Every idiot, alcoholic and paedophile is able to spawn offspring. Children get abandoned, abused, neglected and even killed by their own parents, on a daily basis. Countless children are being raised by a single parent.

As things stand I think it is crazy to still hold on to the belief that what solely makes a child happy is a father and a mother and just realize that what children really need is for somebody to love and care for them. It doesn't matter whether this caretaker is the child's adopted father, aunt, grandmother, gay couple or a single woman. Again, in a perfect world there'd be the perfect way to do things instead, but that just isn't possible.

Some argue about the lack of proper rolemodels if single people or homosexual couples are allowed to raise children. Unless the child is raised locked up in a closet they will inevitably come in contact with all kinds of people. Single parents are raising healthy, perfectly well-adjusted children as I write this. I'd also bet that most of the homosexual people living in the world right now came from within heterosexual marriages. Children never become the perfect clone of their parent(s), not mentally anyways, even if physically it'll be possible one day. A boy raised by a single mother does not turn into a woman.

Some argue that the children of homosexual couples will be teased, even abused, by other children (and adults), because they are different. I was teased, because I had glasses, something which wasn't so common place back then. Should my parents have taken away my glasses then? Badly raised children who want to be cruel to others will still find any excuse to be mean. Not too long ago children with divorced parents were an oddity and probably got harassed about that. Nowadays kids have step-fathers and half-sisters and it's accepted as normal. It's not that big of a leap to also accept that some children would have two fathers, just a mother or two mothers and a father.

It is also interesting to note that all the people who voted for the fertility treatment ban were men. Jealousy? Desire to control women's actions even more? Like I said, sometimes I think we just plunged back into the middle-ages again.
Posted 11:31

Bad boys
I must say the poster for the movie isn't too bad. A bit corny perhaps, but it has other attributes which more than make up for it... Naturally I am talking about the cute kitten, what else?



Posted 17:07

Computers and I
I have further proof that I should just stay well away from computers. They all hate me. In my previous attempts to get the mobile phone to work with my laptop I managed to screw up the settings in such a way that now the regular modem does not work anymore either. It dials normally, makes a connection, checks for account and password and everything seems fine and dandy except that I cannot do anything at all with the connection. All webpages come out as 'not found', no ftp, no telnet. It's just as if I had no connection at all, except there it is. For the past five days I had my laptop repaired at a store and they couldn't figure it out either. They told me to just use the recovery CD. Ho hum. I am cursed.
Posted 09:59

Only in Finland?
There's a new Finnish movie currently playing at the theaters. It is a true-life story based on these four brothers who grew up in a horrible home and subsequently ended up becoming robbers. Eventually all of them got caught and were sent to jail. Couple of them have already been released and the remaining two will get out in a couple of weeks as well. Especially due to the movie the brothers are now enjoying an almost celebrity status.

Meanwhile the parliamentary elections are drawing near. As it happens one of the parties asked all four of the brothers to become electees. They all agreed. So come the elections and we might have convicted felons deciding how this country is run. Absolutely crazy. Looks like one of the brothers will have to decline the honor after all though, since he's been caught stealing again after his release and is most likely facing a new jail sentence...
Posted 19:39

The weather
I admit to reading with quite a lot of amusement about the "bad" weather in Britain right now. They received a couple of inches of snow and it seems the whole country is in chaos. For a Finnish person that's just so funny. No matter how much snow or how cold it gets (I think -52C/-61F is our current record) life continues as normal. Everybody still has to go to work and to school. Planes, trains and cars work like on any ordinary day. I've been silently chuckling to myself reading about all the delays at Heathrow airport and imagining the mayhem going on at work with all those irate passengers. Thank god I am not there!
Posted 12:46

The truth is out there
I can stop spreading lies now, the truth has been revealed: Finland is lame.
Posted 14:46

Happened so far
I should learn not to leave anything to the last minute. It is the surest guarantee that something will go wrong. I got sick again during the last week and had to forget about a number of things I wanted to do before departure.

I got more and more excited about going to Finland as the week went on, but a curious thing happened as my plane was finally speeding off the runway. I actually felt really sad and reluctant to go. It felt like a big mistake. I've never felt that way before. No matter where I've been and how much fun I've had there, I've always been glad to return regardless.

I started to get giddy when boarding the plane at Brussels airport. All of a sudden everybody around me was speaking in finnish. I felt like pointing at them and exclaiming 'Hey, you're from Finland!'. Brussels and the surrounding areas in the dark were a breathtaking sight from the air. All the pearls of light sprawling endlessly in every direction were really beautiful.

My first thought about seeing Finland from the air was exhileration over the amount of snow there was everywhere. It's an incredible feeling for me to be actually excited about snow. I'm used to regarding snow as the undesired side effect of winter, one which I hope will soon melt away to make way for summer. Now I can actually take joy in it, because I know that in two weeks, in all likelihood, I won't see snow again until perhaps November. Currently it's about -13C outside, but I just think it's great.

I have very mixed feelings about being in Finland. It feels like I have been gone ages and yet nothing here has changed. I might as well not been in England the past three months. I slipped right into my old life. Seeing my mother and friends was no big deal - felt like I had just seen them a few days ago anyhow. The language has been the greatest source of wonder for me. Somehow my brains cannot get over the fact that every single person here does speak finnish. I got so used to the cacophony of languages and different cultures around me. In Finland everybody is the same.

All my days are quite packed with something to do. I've been to the doctor and taking antibiotics now. I've had my car repaired. All kinds of things to buy and deal with. Last night I dreamt about my job in England. I don't know yet how I will feel about leaving back there next week.
Posted 13:11

In Finland
Back in the land of my birth. I wrote an update earlier today, but blogger was so clogged that I could not post it. It's on another computer right now so will be left for later. Until then...

Remember this view from last summer? It now looks like this.
Posted 19:38

Ran out of things to write about
I've been sick the past few days, off from work (unpaid, hmph) and just taken it easy. It's amazing how well I can spend time just playing a computer game, reading a book and watching TV.

My mother appears to be busy planning a minute to minute schedule of all the things we're going to be doing while I'm in Finland. She even suggested that I should just stay at her place the whole time. While I am by no means a highly social person I do still have a couple of friends I would like to see as well... Sometimes I really cannot understand my mother. When I told her that I am coming for a visit her first reaction was elated, because it meant that she could go to Lapland for the whole time and I'd be there to take care of the animals instead. I don't particularly long to see my mother, but I admit to being a bit hurt that she considered going somewhere else and not seeing me at all during the whole visit. Now that her own travelplans fell short due to work she seems intent on spending every single day with me. It's hard to know what to think.

I managed to find a place for my chinchillas. I went in search of some Finnish chinchilla websites/newsgroups, left a message in one of them and somebody offered to take care of my critters. Of course this person is a total stranger to me and there are no guarantees that they won't just eat my chinchillas the moment I turn my back, but if all she said of herself and her place are true, then my chinchillas should be well looked after. I hope and pray for it to be true.

I have decided to drive my car back to England. First a ship from Finland to Germany, drive to Holland where I'll spend a night and then a ferry from Holland to England. It'll be quite an adventure! I can't wait!
Posted 17:04

TTT - Spoilers
I'm off to see the Two Towers for the second time in a few hours. I haven't read a single review, diary, magazine or anywhere, on the movie yet, but here's some of my thoughts about the movie. Overall it was great and I truly enjoyed it, but there were a few things, which bugged me:

• It's a very strange movie in the sense that it really has no beginning and no end. It's basically a short clip of a much larger film and thus left me a bit unsatisfied. The Fellowship had a good beginning and some attempts at an ending of sorts, but the TTT left me much more frustrated at not being able to see more.
  
• I don't like how much the future events are already being displayed. I didn't like that old, dead Aragorn the King was shown already or the fact that the elves are leaving Middle-Earth is already brought so much into the picture. I feel it is taking away a lot from the ending of Return of the King.
  
• Faramir wasn't really portrayed fairly. In the book he is faced with the ring, manages to see its evil and is able to let Frodo go right then and there, but in the movie he ends up being corrupted at first and doing various kinds of non-bookish things before letting Frodo go. I suppose Jackson didn't want Faramir to end up looking almost like a clone of Aragorn.
  
• No flashback scenes of Boromir. Bad, bad, bad.
  
• Poor Gimli. Proud Dwarf warrior reduced to a stumbling fool.
  
• The special effects seemed a bit poorer in this one. There were quite a few instances where things just looked fake.

I was moved to tears many times though... the scenes with Arwen and Elrond, Arwen and Aragorn, Theoden mourning for the loss of his son, 300 men and young boys gathering to fight against impossible odds... It's a great movie and even with the changes to the books worthy of the Lord of the Rings title. I just feel like it really cannot be appreciated to its fullest until all three of the movies are out, on DVD and one can sit down and watch all of it in one go. That'll be a great day!
Posted 18:16

It's me again
There's snow here! It started snowing two days ago, yesterday snowed even more and now much of it is still lingering around. I hadn't realized that I had actually missed snow until now. Over here snow isn't burdened with the horrible realization that one will have to endure it for the next 9 months, but rather it's a rare exception and can thus be enjoyed to the fullest. It's made everything look so beautiful! I find it rather interesting that the moment I decided to visit Finland and was thinking of how nice it'll be to see snow there that it starts to snow here and they say this current colder weather is coming from Scandinavia.

I'm getting really excited about going to Finland. I just can't wait! Part of me fears though that I'll like being there too much and don't want to return back to England. I'll have to nonetheless - I'm leaving all of my belongings behind, but I hope when I come back I'll be excited to return and not just doing it, because I have no other choice.

My search for a new job hasn't started yet. I'm still in the phase of considering how best to write my CV, which I suppose is mostly just an excuse. I do want a new job, but I hate the process of finding one. I have absolutely no idea what I would like to do for a living nor what I am qualified to do, so it makes everything that much harder. I know I could learn a lot of things and I am willing to start from the bottom if there is the prospect of rising higher eventually, but at the same time I don't want to spend years proving myself. I'm getting too old for that. At my current job I see daily what the managers do, I think I'd be good at that job and I'd probably even enjoy it, but there does not seem to be any chance of ever getting promoted. There are a lot of capable employees at the company who have been doing the same low-level job for years. It seems that either you get educated in the correct field and apply directly to become a manager or you are stuck forever where you are.
Posted 17:46

The New Year
Jorggy had it quite right in the previous entry's comment that I do seem to go through a lot of mood changes here. In a way I suppose that is a good thing - better to have a roller-coaster than numbingly unaltering days all the time. I just hate how much I allow myself to be influenced by certain things, such as my roommate or my job situation. Today is another stupid example of how easily I let my emotions change. I was feeling perfectly fine earlier, up until the point where I read another one of my mother's e-mails, one in which she mentioned that she is getting tired of taking care of the chinchillas and just what exactly are my plans concerning them. Suddenly I am filled with anxiety and uncertainty about my future here. My mother, as nice and friendly as she may be at times, also possesses the ability to be absolutely selfish at other times. Not that I can really blame her. The chinchillas are certainly my responsibility and I cannot just expect somebody else to take care of them forever, even if she is my mother. My mother is one of those people who, if I do not come up with a solution quickly, might just dump the chinchillas out in the cold and have no problems in letting them die just to prove her point to me. Trust me, I am not exaggerating or kidding. That woman has a whole Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde thing going on. So now, instead of looking forward to seeing The Two Towers finally in two hours, I worry.

I sound so much like a broken record, but I just really don't know what to do. I want to stay, but is it possible? When I go and visit Finland in a few weeks should I bring the chinchillas here with me? I have no place where to put them right now though. What if I end up staying only for a couple months more... the whole process of moving the critters about and stressing them to no end, isn't worth it. Can chinchillas even go into airplanes? What about a 4 day car trip instead? The couple of friends that I have in Finland don't want the furballs. I e-mailed a couple of people from some Finnish Chinchilla Association if they would be willing or know somebody capable, for a price, to look after the chinchillas. Hopefully I'll get some answer from them.

I feel sorry for this blog. I pop in once a week and write all the same stuff over and over again. It's what keeps going on around in my head though. I do manage to do other things as well, but they don't quite seem worth writing about. I've met some people, I went out with my co-workers and all that, but it's my future here which keeps bugging me though.
Posted 20:06