Hidden thoughts and interests

Not another quiz
Found from Pretentious Nothings:

I Am A: Chaotic Good Elf Ranger Druid

Alignment:
Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.

Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.

Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.

Secondary Class:
Druids are a special variety of Cleric who serves the Earth, and can call upon the power in the earth to accomplish their goals. They tend to be somewhat fanatical about defending natural settings.

Deity:
Solonor Thelandria is the Chaotic Good elven god of archery and the hunt. He is also known as the Keen Eye, the Great Archer, and the Forest Hunter. His followers respect nature, and only hunt when needed, but are quick to defend the forest from intruders. Their favorite weapon is the bow, and they tend to be extremely talented with it. Solonor Thelandria's symbol is an arrow with green fletchings.

Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)
Posted 11:11

Yahoo news
My starting page is Yahoo and I usually browse through the main news headlines that they have posted on the main page. Today must have been a really slow day:
"Toyota tops vehicle quality study" oh sure really interesting...
"'Osbournes' to return for 2nd season" some tv show is certainly top notch news...
And lastly:
"Colo. student wins Nat'l Spelling Bee" Of all the possible news all around the world and they report about some spelling bee?!?!?
The UK Yahoo does a bit better, except for this one, which may be interesting, but I wouldn't count it among the top news in the world right now.
Posted 11:05

Sauna
One of the favorite pasttimes in the summer time is swimming in the lakes and going to sauna. Especially at the summer cottages the sauna is usually right by the waterfront. You go to sauna, go swim, back to sauna, swim again, back and forth. All the switching between cold and hot must release endorphins or something, because the whole thing gets rather addictive. You feel like you could keep on doing the cycle all day long. Just one more time... Not to mention the incredible feeling you get afterwards, all vibrant and glowing, feeling very much alive and in good spirits.

There's another odd feeling that comes in the sauna. If you throw a lot of water onto the rocks, it causes a larger than normal heat wave. Suddenly you're engulfed in much hotter air than your body was already used to. The tingling sensation that it causes is very hard to explain. You end up with goosebumps literally all over the body, even though you're not cold, but very hot. (Or, well, you end up running out of the sauna in agony if you overdo the water throwing *smirk*)

What we do with the sauna in the wintertime is a whole other story...
Posted 20:50

Things today
I need to realize that perhaps it isn't such a good idea to sing loudly in my car now that I drive with the windows down...

Why does my mother's husband insist on coming along when he's really not interested? Because he can't let my mother drive his car... My mother and I had planned to go shopping for outdoor flowers today. Last minute change - he's coming as well. So then he spends the entire time moping and groaning, because we like to take our time to enjoy watching and commenting on the beautiful flowers. When it finally gets time to leave he just stands by the car and won't even help packing all the boxes. He's usually quite nice, but there are certainly times when I get rather irritated. My mother takes it all with good humour though and just laughed at him when she said outright Then why did you come at all?

They claim they drive responsibly and I drive too fast. Then why are there cars still passing me by and a long line of cars behind their car?
Posted 19:32

Blogs and diaries
As found from Blogger there's a project to map out where all NYC bloggers live. So far there's 120 bloggers just on Manhattan alone! Wow.

In other news, I wonder how long Diaryland keeps inactive diaries up? I found out that there is already aurel.diaryland.com, but it hasn't been touched in nearly two years. Not that I am really thinking of starting a diary too, but I had hoped to kind of snatch the site for myself in case I ever would.
Posted 11:36

Animal personalities
Animals are supposedly neither good or evil. They are creatures just governed by their instincts, doing what comes natural to their own species. So then where do all the different personalities come from? No two dogs are 100% identical - they look different, but they also act different. You have shy, bold, greedy, social etc animals within the same species. The three chinchillas that I have are completely different from each other. They're just small rodents with tiny brains. The twins were born on the same day, had the same parent and grew up in the same environment and yet they're like opposites in personalities.

The mom's the absolute leader. She's always grumpy, suspicious and dislikes me because I question her authority. She yells at me if she disagrees with me. One time I was sitting cross-legged on the floor and she wanted to eat my sock. I shooed her away, she came back. I shooed her again and she got really pissed. She ran around the room once, hopped onto my knee, strained as far up towards my face as she could and just started yapping and yelping straight at me. All I could do was just laugh at this tiny furball that had the guts to yell at a giant. The daughter is almost scared of her own shadow. She's very jumpy and always running for cover when something slightly unordinary happens. She's a very slow eater, but will usually give any new treat at least a try, unlike the mother who seems to think I am trying to poison her. The son is the bold and social one. He's always the first one everywhere, fearing nothing and very energetic. He'll run first and look later, often ending up bumping into things or falling off places because he wasn't careful enough.

But back to the original question... what makes each animal unique? With such differing personalities can we really say that animals are nothing but creatures of instinct? If an animal has the ability to be grumpy and bossy, then what's to say it couldn't be evil too? What if animals have the ability to be evil, but the thought of being one just never crosses their mind? Is money the root of all evil and in the absence of it, there is no reason to be evil? Some animals of the same species kill each other, often on purpose as part of territory disputes or mating rivalries. Why isn't that considered evil? Just what is evil exactly?

Full of questions, but no answers from me I am afraid. Maybe I should just read all the various studies made about animal behaviour...
Posted 19:53

More reasons not to travel
1) There's going to be a concert in Helsinki with a lot of good performers. Shakira is the main one, but I'm more interested in all the Finnish bands. Lots of very good ones there. What's most important though, this concert is absolutely free! But it's held when I am in the States...
2) The football (aka soccer) championships are held in June. I'm not a huge football fan and normally don't watch it at all, but these championships are only held once every four years, so it would have been nice to watch them from time to time. Well, I'll get back home in time for the semifinals...
Posted 12:36

Moby
I know I mentioned Moby's site only a few days ago, but I really love the journal that he keeps. There's a good mixture of thought provoking and just plain silly entries. He seems very down to earth about his fame, record sales and all. And above all, he's a same kind of a geek that I am, getting excited about Lord of the Rings stuff and water on Mars.
Posted 00:16

Sex tips
Tacoshop had an interesting list to read.
Posted 23:53

Eeewwwww
Somebody googled me for "Wil Wheaton in his underwear". Gack! Disgusting that anybody would write about anything like that and even more disgusting that somebody actually searches for stuff like that! For the record, I have mentioned Wil Wheaton's site here, but I certainly have no interest in him in his underwear. Eewww.
Posted 10:20

Calvin and Hobbes wisdom
From the comic Calvin and Hobbes:

Calvin: The problem with people is they don't look at the big picture
Calvin: Eventually we're each going to die, our species will go extinct, the sun will explode, and the universe will collapse
Calvin: Existance is not only temporary, it's pointless! We're all doomed, and worse, nothing matters!
Hobbes: I see why people don't like to look at the big picture.
Calvin: Well, it puts a bad day in perspective.

Calvin: From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do!
Calvin: The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.
Hobbes: Well, lucky you!
Calvin: Yeah, I'm just here to cash in.
Posted 09:12

Mars
They've found vast amounts of water on Mars!
Posted 08:44

Eerie
The timing is a bit... spooky. What do they show on TV today, but The Peacemaker, which ends with a terrorist carrying a nuclear bomb in his backpack across NYC to blow up the United Nations building...
Posted 23:20

Fears
I am going on a trip in 1.5 weeks, to New York City and Boston in the United States. I really don't want to go. I really can't afford this trip for one thing. Secondly, I am tired of always travelling to USA. I mean no offense to any Americans, but this'll be like my 9th trip over there in the past 14 years. I'm ready to see the rest of the world rather. Thirdly, all these news of planes crashing down and the terrorist threaths are scaring the crap out of me.

So why go? Well, months ago the idea didn't seem so bad and now I am stuck with non-refundable planetickets. It's all part of a promise I made almost a year ago that I'd go visit somebody in the States. The good thing is that I won't be going alone. The bad thing is that I won't be going alone. My friend is even more hysterical than me and I think we just keep feeding each others' fears. We're constantly "joking" about how we're gonna get blown up in NYC. I don't think the terrorists will use planes anymore, but suicide bombers will be the next step. Yeah, these are the cheerful topics of discussion lately.

I know I'm overreacting, but I'm just not used to any sorts of threats. We don't even get tornadoes, floods, earthquakes or any other natural disasters, let alone man-made ones. I don't understand how people in places like Israel or Ireland dare to even walk on the streets, but guess it's something you just gotta get used to, because life must go on. I just hope I'll get out of this trip alive.
Posted 17:18

Star Wars
See Ep4: A New Hope done with action figures.
Posted 09:47

Stolen link
I hope Nelsonia won't mind, but the link he posted to the Star Wars nerds at the AOTC premier was just way too funny not to mention.
Posted 20:57

Outdoors
Does it count for being outdoors if you drive around in a car? What about if you drive in a convertible with the top down?
Posted 19:32

Eurovision continued
Surprise, surprise, Finland finished 5th last, which means we're automatically disqualified from participating next year again. I say we should just stop trying altogether from now on.
Posted 01:47

Eurovision Song Contest
The Eurovision Song Contest is held today, in Estonia this year. This is the contest where ABBA got started, for example. These days... either I am too old or the contest itself has outlived its days, but it feels more like a joke than anything else. Still, it's always hilarious to watch, to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. Every single year Finland is one of the top favorites, according to the Finnish press at least, and every year Finland ends up 2nd last or some such. Since they remade the rules that the poorly done countries can't participate the following year, Finland's been around only every other year. The song this year isn't too bad, as far as Eurovision songs go and it might have earned us a win a few years ago, but nowadays all the countries have improved considerably and we haven't caught up, as usual.
Posted 14:21

Stalkers
I was followed by a guy at the store today when I went to do my grocery shopping. He wasn't hitting on me nor was he creepy. He was very obviously one of those store detectives trying to catch shoplifters and he was very clearly new at the job. He had no cart or any groceries anywhere and just kept wandering aimlessly around, well until I stepped into the store that is. I guess I look creepy then, because he practically attached himself to me. I played a little game where I'd just stop and stare at something for a long while and he was forced to continue wandering after a bit so as not to appear too suspicious. I wanted to tell him Buddy, you're not fooling anybody. At one point he went around the corner, I stopped again and what do you know, after a while his head quickly popped back and forth to check on what I am doing. While it was all rather ridiculous, I do find it somewhat offensive that somebody would think I clearly look like a thief. I know I look like a weirdo, but I didn't quite think it was this bad.
Posted 13:33

Nuclear power
The Finnish parliament voted in favor of a fifth nuclear reactor today. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about nuclear power. Well, I am against it, but I have to admit that my view is really based on just some opinions, not cold hard facts. In the last few weeks there's been a lot of discussion on the topic, protests and such, but it's still been very hard to get solid facts about the case. It seems every "fact" is really just an opinion from a certain point of view. The people for nuclear power say how good it is for the environment. The people against say how bad it is for the environment. The fact that the entire Green party voted against the fifth reactor speaks for itself I guess. From what I've heard a lot of the European politicians think we're nuts too, that the time for nuclear power is in the past and the alternative power sources are the way to go these days.
Posted 20:15

Quizzes
I can't believe how many on-line quizzes there are. Dozens of new ones seem to pop up daily. I find most of them ridiculous and in any case I am determined to have, at most, only one quiz per page, so since the previous one has now disappeared into the archives, I'll torture everybody with another one:

which Episode II character are you?

Probably the greatest Jedi Knight of all. Like Obi Wan, you are wise and keep your feet on the ground at all times. You will not be outsmarted by anyone. You are always faithful to your friends. Be careful though, danger lurks around every corner - you could even be betrayed by those closest to you.

Posted 00:13

Sinfest
Been reading a lot of Sinfest comics. It has some "questionable" themes in some strips, but I especially like the ones with the pets, cat and dog.

I also found strips to describe my life at the moment: I start out with the best of intentions to do something worthwhile, but it doesn't quite work out. When I finally get moving, things are quite slow. During the day I think about stuff and eventually the day ends as boring as yesterday.
Posted 21:10

Animal terms
A young cat is called a kitten, a young dog is a puppy, then we have the fowls, cubs, chicks, foals and more. Kid actually means a baby goat, so why is it that that one baby animal term has become so popular among humans too? Why don't we call children piglets instead? Or fawns? Why are they associated with goats?

Why are cats usually considered to be female and dogs male? You always have the stereotype that women own cats and men own dogs as well. When people think of lions, why do they usually picture the male lion? Why are female chickens usually called just chickens, instead of hen, but when it comes to cattle we definately separate them to cows and bulls, almost as if they were a different species.

Just mindless thoughts...
Posted 11:25

Addition to previous
In response to Nige's guestbook entry about my previous writing: Yeah, losing all that land (most of which is called Karelia) is still a sore topic for a lot of people. Many people couldn't care less, for the reasons stated previously, but there's an equal amount of people who would like to see something done. The subject gets raised quite often, but the official response is always 'There is nothing to discuss' and that's that.

Finland lost some land in the Winter War and wasn't too happy about it. We went into the whole Continuing War and because we fought alongside the Germans we got punished quite severely for it and lost even more land. Nevermind that Russians attacked us first, we had no choice in the Winter War and we only went with the Germans because we wanted to win our lands back and couldn't do it on our own. Here's nice before and after maps. The symbol of Finland (like Uncle Sam is in the USA) is a maiden and the map has always represented her. In the 'before' picture (using a lot of imagination *smirk*) you can see her two arms in the air, head in the middle of them and the hem of her skirt on the bottom. So the poor maiden lost one arm and a good part of her dress in the wars.

That's enough of history lessons for now though :)
Posted 00:49

Lost land
Without getting too much into a history lesson, during the World War II Finland fought against Russia and as a result lost a great deal of our land in the east to them. Most of the people living in those lands chose to immigrate and be re-located to the west. A lot of those people are still alive and they've been allowed to visit their old homeplaces only the past ten years or so. Some people continue to hope that Russia would eventually give the lands back to Finland. The areas are now mostly wilderness, with barely any roads, so the main argument against getting them back has been that there is no need and it'd take too much money to recondition everything. Not to mention what to do with all the Russian people currently living there. Would we have them suffer the same faith Finns did in the 1940s?

What bothers me the most though is how the politicians refuse to even bring the subject up. It has never been discussed in official circles, at all. The governments and the presidents refuse to even mention it in passing, year after year. It's like the whole situation during the cold war when we had to be extremely careful in what we wrote or said about the Soviet Union. There was a strong, active self-censorship when it came to politicians and the press. The whole land issue continues to be that way still it seems. Other countries that once belonged to the Soviet Union are gaining their independence, the two Germanies were united again and so forth, but for us nothing changes.

However, now some people are plotting to buy the land back piece by piece.
Posted 20:20

Death
Not a very cheerful topic, but I found an interesting excerpt from Ursula Le Guin's The Other Wind book. It's an approach to dying I hadn't heard nor thought of before myself:

"I think," Tehanu said in her soft, strange voice, "that when I die, I can breathe back the breath that made me live. I can give back to the world all that I didn't do. All that I might have been and couldn't be. All the choices I didn't make. All the things I lost and spent and wasted. I can give them back to the world. To the lives that haven't been lived yet. That will be my gift back to the world that gave me the life I did live, the love I loved, the breath I breathed."
Posted 18:35

Ha ha ha ha
I am Dean's clone in this comic.
Posted 20:08

No enthusiasm to write
After making so many entries recently, I seem to have a loss for words right now. I have things to write about, just not the energy to do so. Maybe I'll just try to find some interesting links instead...
Posted 19:56

Subtitles
I was going to see Attack of the Clones again with a friend, this time try out the digital version, but then we found out that it has no subtitles. I've seen the movie before and we both speak good enough english to understand everything, but it just doesn't feel right without the subtitles. Too used to seeing them. When I was in Malaysia and their movies had malaysian and chinese subtitles (neither of which I understand) I still kept glancing at the subtitles from time to time. It's a habit. Just like it takes time to get used to subtitles, it takes time to get used to being without them. They're so handy too - no matter how loud it is around you or if you have to turn the volume down, you can still understand what's going on. I think I might go see AOTC one more time though, really just out of curiousity to see this new digital theater wonder and how much better it is. And speaking of the movie, I still hold to my prior opinions about it. It was neither better nor worse the second time around.
Posted 19:35

Starwars with legos
This lego movie is just absolutely hilarious.
Posted 13:18

Empire's frontrow
I am out of my own words today, so here's a few highlights from the latest Empire magazine. Apparently Ben Affleck ran some "ad" in the Variety magazine thanking his co-star Jennifer Lopez for their work together. So Empire wrote some of their own as a joke:

Brad, Julia, Don, Matt, Andy, Scott, Case, Carl, Elliott, Oh, and that Chinese fella.
Just to let you know, I had a wonderful time shooting Ocean's 11 with you guys in, er, wherever it was. Actually, I can't remember any of the shoot, but Steven assures me it was a blast.
Cheers, George
P.S. Has anyone seen my underpants

Haley
Every second spent bathing in your reflected glory was more illuminating than my entire time at the National Youth Music Theatre. Those people that said you were a precocious, freak man-child could not have been more wrong. And the fact that Steven gave you better billing, more money, twice my screen time and the only trailer with a roof never once bothered me.
Thanks for letting me sit on the steps when it was raining and sorry about that time I called you Doogie Howser.
Jude

Halle,
Don't worry. Really, it's fine. I know you were pushed for time (257 seconds? There's only so much you can fit in, right?). Honestly, don't worry about it. I know you had to thank everyone from your lawyers (twice) to your fucking pet llama and clearly couldn't mention someone as insignificant as your CO-STAR in the movie you won that groundbreaking Oscar for. No problem whatsoever.
Love and peace,
Billy Bob
P.S. Great tits, by the way.
P.P.S. Oh, and Angie says if you touch me again she'll rip out your eyeballs and piss in your skull.

Georgie,
What has mesa done? Is mesa in big doo-doo? Whysa Jar Jar not in Attacky Clones much - is it because mesa clumsy? Or because mesa annoying fish-faced prat-falling kiddie-talking goon? How wude!
Call mesa, Georgie! Mesa people do lunch with yousa people!
Okie-day!
J.J.

Posted 12:27

Weird people
What makes a mother of four become so obsessed with Richard Gere that she's now thinking of killing herself when she was ordered to go back to Germany? Poor woman.
Posted 19:48

Drugs and me
I've never tried drugs. Alcohol and cigarettes yes, but drugs no. When I was growing up and going through the whole teenage party binge, nobody I knew used drugs. They just weren't popular at the time. From what I understand, these days smoking pot is almost as common as drinking alcohol in some places. Still, none of my friends use drugs even now. I don't have the faintest clue where to buy the stuff if I wanted to get a little high. Part of me wants to try, but a larger part of me is scared to.

I've been completely brainwashed when it comes to drugs, even just pot. In my mind it's almost comparable to committing murder or just doing something very horrible. Smoke grass once and you'll be living on the streets as a heroin addict for sure. Or alternatively get caught buying/using and be sentenced to jail for eternity. Alcohol is still the norm here - we drink and we drink a lot. I've been given wine (dilluted with water) at special occasions ever since I was a little kid. I went through a phase where I tried to smoke cigarettes for a while, but I never saw the fascination about them. There's never been any kind of danger that I might get addicted to either alcohol or cigarettes, so I don't know why I'm so concerned over drugs. There are places in the world where pot is completely legal and the people there seem to be doing fairly well. It cannot be the substance of the devil that I make it out to be.

On the other hand... even if drugs were completely safe to use, why should they be tried? If I've lived to my 30s without ever trying them, why care about it now? Curiousity really... see what the whole deal is. I could do without the hangover that comes from alcohol. Are there any after effects from smoking pot? I'm so clueless about the whole thing. Well, I'm not gonna go hang around at the railway station and hope that on the off chance somebody will come offer drugs to me, especially when they're illegal here, so any experimentations will have to wait. Not to mention I'm still not convinced I do even want to try. Maybe some things are best left for imagination.

This entry was inspired by this editorial.
Posted 14:35

Moby
As well as reading Wil Wheaton's website, the other "celebrity" site that I frequent quite often is Moby's. He updates the journal a lot and in general has good entries about his thoughts and insights into what the music business is like.
Posted 13:13

Ack, ack, ack
I seriously hope the news here isn't true. "As for the original Star Wars films, Lucas has himself confirmed that he's filmed additional scenes (during the production of these prequels) that he intends to add into Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi to "complete the Saga the way he always envisioned it". He's also expected to enhance and/or replace more special effects sequences with CGI and make other refinements to the original films. These "ultimate" versions are what will eventually find their way to DVD" I was afraid something like this was going on because we aren't getting the DVDs for the original movies for years yet. He could very easily distribute the unaltered versions of the originals with no extras on them and people would buy them. And then years later go for the weird new versions with bells and whistles that George Lucas seems to think all fans want.
Posted 12:53

Matrix
The new Matrix teaser trailer looks very good. They shouldn't taunt us with stuff like that though since the movie isn't coming out until 2003.
Posted 20:50

AOTC still in comics
Dork Tower
FoxTrot
Posted 14:25

Babies
I'm one of those weird people (women) who don't find babies cute. To me they just don't look adorable. I don't go crazy like so many women do, start to oohh and aahh and insist on getting to hold the baby. Doesn't mean I find babies disgusting either, I'm just indifferent. It's a miniature human being, what's the big fuss about? Baby animals on the other hand... I prefer humans when they are around 3 years old and up, when they can already walk, talk and you can interact and play with them.

I've held a baby only two times in my whole lifetime (the same baby twice). I wouldn't mind getting to know a baby better. Maybe if I spent more time with them, I'd understand what's so great about them. But in the few rare instances when there has been a baby around, it's surrounded by a hoarde of women cooing at it and I'd rather make the acquaintance in private. The first time I held a baby it was practically, out of nowhere, dropped into my lap. I had no idea how to hold it properly (oh you're supposed to support its head?) and everybody could see how hopeless I felt all of a sudden. After that they didn't offer the baby to me anymore, which I found very sad. Just because I had the look of utter panic on my face didn't mean I didn't want to try. Later on I picked the baby up myself, but only to take it to its mother quickly because the baby was crying loudly for food.

Somehow women are just expected to be these nurturing creatures who automatically know how to deal with babies and children. As if we're born with the knowledge and because I don't even know how babies are held, there's something wrong with me. Seeing any baby is supposed to trigger all these feelings of maternal instinct and what have you inside of me, but it just doesn't happen. I know for absolute certainty, that if I am ever lucky enough to have children of my own, that I'll go crazy about them. I'll find them to be the cutest babies and children in the world and love them more than myself, but for now... I just can't muster these feelings when it comes to other people's children. Guess it makes me some kind of a monster.
Posted 14:16

Spellcasting at home
I'm a few months late, as usual, but I found this article on how to make spells at home really hilarious.
Posted 13:14

Attack of the Clones again - SPOILERS
Guess I'm in a blabbering mood today, but after having more time to think on the movie here's a few additional thoughts...

Things that I liked:

The action sequences, including even the "car" chase at the beginning. The huge clone/droid/jedi fight at the end was quite breathtaking. But like I said previously, a movie shouldn't be good just because the action was good.
Jango and Boba Fett. I liked just about all the scenes with them. There's just something about that uniform that's sooo cool.
The sonic blasts (I forget their real name) that Jango used in the asteroid field gave me goosebumps.
All the stuff that happened at Kimano (?), the awesome looking aliens there and the whole cloning factory.
Count Dooku. Christopher Lee did an excellent job.
Yoda absorbing lightning and using a lightsaber. Watch that little green man bounce like a ball!
Anakin using two lightsabers at the same time.
Naboo scenes were very beautiful.
Anakin's facial expression and posture when he returns with the body of his mother. Very powerful. The only time in the whole movie that I really liked his acting (and he didn't say a word during the scene, which says a lot).

Things that I didn't like:

The way the lovestory between Anakin and Padme was done. I'm a sucker for love stories, but this one was just done so poorly. It didn't feel real at all, it was rushed and forced.
Hayden's and Natalie's acting during all of the love sequences. Maybe it was the crappy dialogue I don't know, but I cringed all the time. The worst part was when they were on the picnic. Anakin mounts that weird creature and rides it like a cowboy?
Yoda's kung-fu poses at the end. The whole theater laughed. It was just so ridiculous.
Everything with Jar Jar. I'm not one of those 'Jar Jar must die' people, but in this movie he really irritated me. His absolutely stupid dialogue was so out of place.
Too much R2D2 and C3PO. I don't understand, in the first place, why either of those droids needs to be in these movies. Not every single character from Ep4-6 needs to be introduced. Guess we'll be seeing young Han Solo and Chewbacca in Ep3 then...
The abundant use of computer graphics everywhere. To me it really just does look so fake. I liked the habitat on Tatooine, I liked the lake view on Naboo and things like that, because you could tell it was at least partially real (I'm sure those were computer enhanced as well though). Especially in a lot of the scenes where they had to make people with computers, it looked very poorly done. Guess it's the best they can do these days, but it still looks unreal.

So there's the good and the bad... I'm not one of those overly cynical old farts who have a trouble reliving their childhood and who go to these movies just to nitpick them apart. After reading Lord of the Rings for twenty years and being absolutely devoted to the books, I could still enjoy the movie immensely. I had no trouble with the removal of Tom Bombadil, Arwen's additions, the wizard duel or any of those things that most purists have had a trouble with. I am nuts about the movie, all of it, and if I am able to go that crazy in my 30s still, then I could have just as easily gone nuts about Episode 2 as well. I'm a huge fan of Star Wars and always will be, but Episodes 1-2 just are not among the best movies I've seen. With them I like more the idea of Star Wars. I like the whole concept, the universe, the idea of the Force and the Jedi and because these movies take place in that world I like them by default, but as movies they're not so good. If any of that makes any sense. I know I am repeating myself here, I wrote much of this just a couple days ago, but it bothers me how so many people equate not liking the movie to not being a true fan or just being too old to enjoy anything properly.

I'll be forced to go see the movie again soon, once or twice. It'll be interesting to see if it'll improve with time.
Posted 20:44

Attack of the Clones
I caved in and went to see the movie already. I got tired of attempting to read reviews and constantly having to dodge the spoilers. With Episode 1, going into the movie I already knew who was gonna get a lightsaber through their stomach and I didn't want things similarly spoiled this time. So... I've seen it now. I'm not sure what to say. With regret I'll have to say that overall I didn't like it too much. It's a well-done movie, clearly done with a lot of dedication and love. Simply because it is Star Wars it is special to me and automatically gets added among the top movies, but... I just don't know. It was downright embarrassing at times. For the first hour at least I rolled my eyes numerous times. Such horrible dialogue and acting. When you thought it couldn't get any worse, Jar Jar walks in...

I've heard and read several reviews say that the last 45 minutes more than make up for the lousy beginning. The movie does definately get better the closer to the end it gets, but it shouldn't be so. The end is where all the action takes place, all the huge fights and I don't think movies should be judged just based on how good their action sequences are. Good movies should be good even when things are going slowly and quietly. You shouldn't have to groan and mutter throughout most of the movie, but then walk out of the theater fairly satisfied, because all the killing and computer graphics at the end overwhelmed you.

I have to say though that Hayden Christensen looks very good. The whole black cloak Jedi apparel is very sexy. Mmmmm. I suspect guys will equally drool after Natalie Portman, especially in some of the costumes that she wears. Unfortunately for Ewan, the longer hair and scruffy beard didn't quite do it for me, even though normally he is quite handsome. There, typical female for you... just looking at the guys ;)

Also found out that Spiderman isn't coming to the theaters until June 28th.
Posted 16:00

I am Eowyn
The latest test has vanished into the archives, so guess it's time for a new one...

Which LOTR Woman are you?

Hopefully the 'happy ever after' really comes true...
Posted 15:09

About writing stories
The Earthsea books from Ursula Le Guin have always been among my favorites. Couple days ago I bought two new books from her - Tales from Earthsea (collection of short stories) and The Other Wind. Haven't read either yet, but I really liked the foreword in the Tales book.

It talks about how stories really have a life of their own. It's as if the world and its inhabitants exist without the author as well. She does not say so directly, but it's implied in her words. "At the end of the fourth book of Earthsea, Tehanu, the story had arrived at what I felt to be now. And, just as in the now of the so-called real world, I didn't know what would happen next. I could guess, foretell, fear, hope, but I didn't know." Isn't that just the strangest thing for the author to say? I mean, she invented the whole world from her own mind. The world of Earthsea doesn't really exist anywhere, except in her own imagination and she has the complete freedom and power to mold it in any direction she wants. "Seven or eight years after Tehanu was published, I was asked to write a story set in Earthsea. A mere glimpse at the place told me that things had been happening there while I wasn't looking. It was high time to go back and find out what was going on now."

It sounds almost like as if she's really lost it, she's 73 years old after all, but I understand her completely. I'm not an author, even if I wished to be one, and I've written very little overall, but I do know how stories have a way of shaping themselves. You think of a character, create the world he/she lives in, begin to write and somehow the character just ends up doing things you never intended. It's almost like the writer just becomes a conduit for the information, the events come from such a part of your subconscious mind that sometimes they even take the author by surprise. I suppose there are also writers who think of a very clear, definate plot for their whole book prior to writing, but I'll rather just think of the basics and then see where things go.

And speaking of which, I really, really should get started on my writing... "So these are reports of my explorations and discoveries: tales from Earthsea for those who have liked or think they might like the place, and who are willing to accept these hypotheses:

   things change:

        authors and wizards are not always to be trusted:

            nobody can explain a dragon."

Posted 08:40

Star Wars again
All the comics seem to be filled with a Star Wars theme:
Dork Tower
Heart of the City
FoxTrot
PVP Online

There is even more madness than that.

Looks like some finnish people approve of the movie too. All this excitement is making me want to see the movie more and more.
Posted 23:05

Harry Potter
I bought Harry Potter on DVD and watched it for the first time today. Not too bad. It's clearly a movie for kids, but with my childish mind I was entertained. I liked Alan Rickman's character the most, hopefully he'll be in the next movie too. Never read the books either. I always figured they were for children and didn't want to read them just for the hype.
Posted 19:58

Star Wars - Lord of the Rings
The midnight premier of Episode 2 is currently playing at the theatre. I can't believe I haven't bought a ticket yet to go see it. When Episode 1 came out I wanted to fly to NYC to see it, because the finnish premier was a couple months later and I found it very hard to wait. Now... I'm just not as enthusiastic anymore. Episodes 4-6 were my alltime favorite movies for almost twenty years and they still hold a very special place in my heart, but like many other oldtime fans, I just can't find the same magic in these new movies. Phantom Menace was not, by any means, the world's worst movie or anything of the sort, but it just isn't as good as the originals. I have a feeling Episode 2 will prove to be quite a disappointment as well.

I used to think the fault lied mainly with me, that I was expecting too much, that in my 30s I couldn't possibly get as excited about a movie as I had been in my teens. Lord of the Rings proved those assumptions wrong though. As long as I had been a fan of the Star Wars movies, I had been a huge fan of Tolkien's books as well. I've read them all numerous times, in finnish and english. I just about counted the days for two years after I heard the films were being made and I went into the midnight showing when it finally came out. The expectations in that case were huge as well, but this time the movie didn't let me down in any regard.

The action sequences in Episode 2 look very good, at least in the trailers, but otherwise the movie worries me. Hayden's "acting" is horrible. Everything looks and sounds so fake. With all the technology these days, you can still tell that almost all of the surroundings and items are nothing but computer generated. Nothing is real and it shows. In Lord of the Rings they went to great pains to actually build large, whole sets and it makes all the difference. Some might argue that it's harder to make "real" things when you're dealing with spaceships and floating platforms, but George Lucas managed just fine in Episodes 4-6. Those weren't solely about fancy computer graphics and they are the better for it.

I'll go see the movie though, just not sure when. I'm in no rush to pack myself into the crowded theaters this time around. Some people are taking a whole day off of work to go see it. I'll rather count the days till The Two Towers premiers.
Posted 00:39

Adapting
It's been two weeks now since I left my old internet life behind. I have briefly visited the community twice since then, but otherwise I've kept away. I feel extremely stupid for even writing about this, when there are so many more serious issues in the world and I'm just moping after some internet community. I can't help it. In many ways I am proud of myself, of the fact that I have been able to stay away when I decided I would, that I have proven to myself I'm not as much of a hopeless addict as I thought I was, but at the same time I am still counting days and my thoughts constantly dwell on the one subject.

I haven't sought alternatives that much yet. I've been trying to fill my life with other things besides computers and internet, but in the end all it really has amounted to is watching a whole lot more tv than before. I miss the whole interaction that comes in the internet. When people say they watched four hours of tv last night, nobody thinks anything about it, but if you mention you spent four hours staring at a computer screen people think you're strange and that you really should get a life. We've all grown up with televisions, it's the norm and completely accepted, whereas computers are still a strange thing to a lot of people. Computer games and internet are in many ways much better than television - instead of just vegging out on the couch, you actually have to use your brains and constantly do things.

The thing that really hurts me the most is the lack of true friendship and loyalty on the internet. There are real people writing at each keyboard and sometimes you feel like you get a personal connection with some of them, but it's all very deceiving. I had people I thought were my friends, after a fashion. I would talk with these people daily, but now in the past couple of weeks I have not heard a single thing from them. Out of sight, out of mind. I've had people tell me before that if I got fired, they'd leave the community too. I've had people tell me how wrong they think it was for me to get kicked out, how they think I was doing an excellent job, but in the end all they have to offer is it's too bad. Nobody has risen to my defense. Nobody has tried to reason with the administrators. They just give me their consolations, forget me completely and move on. After all the hours upon hours of hard work I poured into that place to keep it running smoothly, now it's like I never existed at all.

I knew things would be like this, it came as no surprise, but it's still hurt me more than I thought. It'd be so much easier for me to bear if I had really done something wrong and deserved to be punished for it, but when it's just a case of lies and misunderstandings being conveniently piled upon me because they needed somebody to blame... They all know my e-mail address. If they really wanted to talk and sort things through, they'd have the means to do it. But nobody bothers. It's easier when I am just gone, to be forgotten and life continues without me. It's hard getting such a lesson in how insignificant I really am.
Posted 09:43

Nicknames in Thailand
I've found it fascinating ever since I heard about it... In Thailand it is customary that everybody gets an official nickname as well as the real name. The real name is only used in documents and things, whereas in every day life everybody uses the nickname. It's always a one hyphen name (like Jim, Bob, Kim, Pat) and it really has nothing to do with the real name. It's not an abbreviation of it in any way. While the parents give the real name, it is the maternal grandmothers' responsibility to give the nickname. Such a strange custom, but fascinating too. While growing up I always wanted to have a nickname, but nobody ever came up with one.
Posted 21:41

Sev Wide Web
The toonzone has a wide selection of cartoons, making fun of a lot of sci-fi or fantasy themed movies or tv shows.
Posted 19:25

Music and learning
I have a rather good memory when it comes to song lyrics. I hear a song on the radio that I haven't heard in 20 years and I can still sing along to it. My brains are obviously filled with information about thousands of song/artist names and lyrics. So why can't I remember anything about high school math? I used to be good at that too.

They should develope some kind of a system where you could learn things through music. I don't mean just playing classical music in the background while you read for an exam, because it supposedly stimulates the correct side of the brain and thus enhances the memorizing, but I mean literally learning things just from listening to music. If I can remember song lyrics from years past, why not some valuable information too? But I suppose by the time they could develope a system like that, it wouldn't be a very far leap to be able to just download information straight into the brain, like in Matrix.
Posted 18:25

The "small" country - Suomi as we call it
I've mentioned before that Finland is a small country, but that's really only true populationwise. When it comes to size, Finland is among the largest in Europe, but we have only about 5 million people. Take Netherlands for example - if we had the same population density as them, we'd have 130 million people living here (if my math serves me correct). Or if you took all of the areas around Great Britain (England, Scotland, both Irelands etc), emptied them completely of people, then took just 5 million living in central London and spread them all across the empty lands, you'd get Finland. 76% of this country is just forests.

People in Finland are very much alike. We haven't had great big migrations of people who would have influenced our culture or people. Our ancestors arrived from the east some 10000 years ago and since then we've been living relatively amongst ourselves. Sweden and Russia that ruled over Finland certainly brought new customs with them, but Finns always persisted on holding onto our own ways as well. As a people we are not like our neighbours.

What all this means is that in many ways we are like the small town where everybody knows everybody, people are constantly spying on what their nextdoor neighbour is doing and gossiping about it with others etc. When events happen, the whole country takes part. When Finland participates in the Ice Hockey Championships that's the only thing the whole country talks about, the papers are filled with news about it and the population is glued to the tv screen to watch the matches. When some Finnish person becomes succesful in the big world, it's constant news and a source of great national pride. We watch every step that our hockey players, formula 1 drivers, music and movie makers etc do out in the world. If some American person whose grandmother was from Finland wins gold at the olympics, they're sure to always mention about the finnish ancestry and claim that the person is almost finnish, saying that practically it was Finland that won the gold metal.

We're probably the easiest country to become a celebrity in. With only 4 national tv channels, everybody watches the same things. Show the weather after the evening news and you're a celebrity who gets interviewed in magazines. Most Finns don't seem to realize that the same does not apply elsewhere in the world though. When Saku Koivu returned back to playing ice hockey after his illness, the tabloids in Finland all screamed that the entire Canada is buzzing about the news. I wanted to ask some Canadian whether they've ever even heard of Saku Koivu.

I'm not complaining though. We're a strange people at times, but these are still my people though. Most foreigners think we're very quiet and reserved, sometimes even mistaking it for rudeness, whereas we consider a lot of foreigners to be way too loud and obnoxious. We're not all made of the same mold with no differing personalities or opinions, but underlying in every person is the same kinds of characteristics that become more obvious when surrounded by non-Finns.
Posted 10:27

Happy
I had a really wonderful day today. I still feel like I'm glowing, radiating happiness, from everything that I experienced today. It was a very good Mother's Day with my mother. We walked, talked, ate and we went... swimming... outside! It might not sound like a big deal to most people, but I've never swam this early. It's always been too cold before. Today was just perfect and it was exactly what I needed after all the grief and stress from the internet. I spent 9 hours outside enjoying the sunshine and the company. I have a feeling I'll be passing out quite early today from all the exercise :)
Posted 19:58

Scrambled thoughts
It's one of those days when my brains just refuse to stay on one topic for longer than ten seconds. One of the advantages to being a fairly solitary person is that it frees one to think a lot. I've never had to wonder about who I am or take some trip to Africa to truly discover myself. I've always been in touch with myself and my own best friend, which is a blessing because there really is no escape from yourself unless you go crazy.

With thoughts ranging from gnomes to internet, I haven't been quite sure what to write here today though. According to US News (as reported by Blogger also) "The best bloggers weigh in on social and political issues, report nuggets of information that the national media miss or suppress, and provide links to other bloggers with something sharp to say". There go my chances of ever being the best.

I have thoughts and opinions about the whole situation in Israel, the shooting of Pim Fortuyn and various other current events, but I feel that those are already discussed to death elsewhere. I'm not one of those people who think governments are the spawn of the devil and it is my duty to expose all their mistakes, either. I don't have a whole lot of interesting links to other sites either, as blogs are supposed to. Occasionally I might have something about Finland and events here, because, well, most sites don't write about this small country and there's my chance to be a little more unique. When I started this whole blog I decided that I'd never write here about my daily activities, what I have done since waking up that morning. This is not meant to be a diary, but rather an outlet for all the various thoughts that roam around in my head.

And I think there really was no point to this whole entry, but since I am kind of brainless at the moment, it's the best I could do...
Posted 14:04

Hamsters
The game itself is very stupid, but I fell in love with the dancing hamster at the startup screen. Watch it wiggle its butt so cutely!
Posted 23:03

Geeks
It's been a while since I had a test here, so here's one I found from Neurotic Mother's diary.

I wouldn't exactly agree to the description, but the picture looks frighteningly like me though ;)

Ed the Sock has an excellent editorial about geeks by the way.
Posted 09:57

Need a new game
After 26 hours of playing time, I'm through with Dungeon Siege. I played it for a week so that means I wasted an entire day out of seven just playing one game. A very sudden ending and a very weak final monster, quite a disappointment. Oh well. Looks like there's more to kill in the multiplayer version so I'll still have something to do.
Posted 22:52

Chintoons
Came across this again yesterday. Unfortunately they haven't updated with new cartoons in years, but the ones already there are quite funny and very accurate.
Posted 12:20

Sigh
I thought things couldn't get any worse, but no such luck. I have been avoiding the online community completely. I am not really banned from it and could checkin whenever I wanted still, but knowing how the administrators feel about me, I have just kept away. Which hasn't been easy, at all. Now I've been given an ultimatum. Either I show up there and let myself be berated and ridiculed publicly by them all, or I will really be removed completely. *SIGH* I'm left quite speechless, just staring at the wall numbly and not really believing people could be that way, especially when it comes to just an online thing.
Posted 11:37

My animals
Seeing this made me miss my cat. I was lucky enough to have a cat for about three years, before I had to admit defeat to my allergies and give her away. I'm still paying for her upkeep though, so I guess technically she's still mine. *sigh* I curse my allergies to the deepest pit in hell! I love animals and yet I have to stay away from most of them. In the early teens when all of my friends were riding horses, as all young girls strangely tend to do, I was the only one who couldn't. I've always wanted a dog, but no such luck.

Then few years ago there was a stray cat who we rescued from amidst the snow. She was in such a bad condition that another week out in the cold would have killed her. She was only about 6 months old at the time. Some stupid people had probably taken her as a pet during their stay at the summer cottage, but when autumn came they abandoned her. It happens a lot.

She loves people. All we had to do was open the door and she rushed in, immediatelly starting to purr and rub against people. Against my better judgement I took her to my home and fell in love with her. It started the struggle of three years, of daily medicins and a ruined health. She's been gone now since January and I'm still sick with asthma. I developed that thanks to the cat. Due to being constantly ill I couldn't exercise a lot, so I also gained weight. All in all, it was just the most stupid thing to do ever, but it was still worth it. She was so cool. She followed me around the apartment all the time. If I went away, she came to the door when I got back home. Whenever I sat down, she was right there pushing herself into my lap, butting her head against me and purring. She was really the most wonderful friend and not what people usually associate with when they think of cats. I miss her so.

I have three Chinchillas though (those are not pics of my Chinchillas). Not quite the same thing, but better than nothing. While I am allergic to every furry animal I've ever met (I get reactions when visiting an outdoor zoo even), Chinchillas have proven to be only a small problem. Only time I get symptoms is when I clean out their cage. It's something to do with their very fluffy cotton-ball like fur that they only "wash" in sand. They're very cute animals and it's a big comfort to have some things living here besides just myself, but it's not possible to get such a connection with small rodents that you can with cats or dogs.

There's a funny story with my Chinchillas. Originally I bought just the one, a male, in 1997. Two months later I woke up one morning and stumbled into the kitchen where the cage is as well and I was surprised to hear a lot of squeeks coming from there. The Chinchilla was in a small box at the bottom so I knelt down trying to see what was wrong with him. To my surprise I saw "him" and a tiny tail sticking out from underneath "his" stomach. The pet store had actually sold me a pregnant female! Not a very professional store, but I can understand the mistake. The equipment on male and female Chinchillas looks very much alike (bet you really wanted to know that). It was the best surprise ever. Chinchillas do not breed like rabbits or rats. They might get 1-2 per year or not and pregnancy lasts for 3 months. Baby Chinchillas are so cute and they take a couple of years before they are really fully grown adults (Chinchillas can live to be 15 years old). So now I have a mom and her two kids living happily together.
Posted 11:21

Life on the internet
I have a kind of a secret life on the internet. Secret in the sense that most people in real life have no clue what I really do. They know I spend a lot of time in front of the computer, but beyond that they really don't care. Occasionally I get weird questions like Do you know what cybersex is like? My mother knows I do some sorts of things where I meet people around the world, because I've travelled abroad and stayed at their homes and I've had foreigners visit me. Beyond that... they have no clue. Sometimes I try to explain, but they really don't care about computers at all to know.

I used to imagine, when things went wrong on the internet, how I would try to explain the situation to my mother. I tried to imagine the look of confusion on her face and her comment of something like So you're upset because some text appeared on the screen from somebody you've never seen in your life? I never did that, but imagining what her reaction most probably would have been like, often helped me to put things back into perspective. Internet is a big part of my life now, but it's not everything and in the end, it really is just a bunch of text and flashing colours amongst people you really don't know at all.

So why am I so upset now? I was part of an online community and I was doing really well there. I had risen to a kind of a small administrator position and I did my job well. I logged in daily and took care of all my responsibilities. Then all of a sudden, without any prior warning, I found myself practically banned from the place and lies being spread about me around the community. It's been quite a shock to me, but putting it into words now and trying to explain the situation, to all outsiders it must seem like Yeah, so what? Get over it. Afterall, it is just text on the screen with people you don't know. None of them even knew my real first name.

As much I try to rationalize things to myself, it still hurts. It's hard when you give your best and get told it wasn't enough. It hurts when lies are spread about me. And as much as I hate to admit it, to even myself, I'm having difficulties thinking what to do with all of my spare time now. I've never allowed the internet to rule my life. If something in real life has come up, I've dropped everything on the internet and do real life things instead. While even at home I've read books, watched tv, cooked, cleaned etc. besides just staring at a computer screen, but now suddenly... When there is one thing that I absolutely cannot do, it occupies my mind constantly. It seems like suddenly there is nothing else to do and I just keep thinking over and over about the one thing, whether I am driving a car or at the movies. The past few nights I've seen dreams about the community. That's how bad it is.

I'm not sure what to do now. Time will heal and all that, but I think I still need something else to occupy my mind. I've thought about other kinds of online communities - I've visited a couple of chatrooms, but I'm too shy to get a word out of my mouth, I don't know anybody to e-mail with and all the message boards just seem too distant. I know the internet is filled with thousands of various kinds of communities, but it's hard finding the one where I'd belong. In the back of my mind also lurks the thought that what if something really is very wrong with me and I'll just end up being kicked out of wherever I go.

Most people would tell me to forget the internet and get myself new hobbies offline. Maybe, but it has problems of its own, which I won't ramble on about now since this entry became longer than I thought already. Guess I'll just bury myself back into Dungeon Siege for now and continue my search for a new place.
Posted 10:38

Iris
I went to see Iris today. A well done movie and certainly very good actors, but otherwise... It was far too heavily depended on her last years, the dementia and what the disease did to her. I would have preferred to see more of what she was like before, what sorts of books did she write etc. I guess all of that is common knowledge to everybody else.

Spiderman seems to be doing good and from what I hear it's a very good movie. I have no idea when we'll actually get it over here. Growl.
Posted 20:04

Naming things
Why do people insist on giving every inanimate object life or even a name? As if it really were live. Is this something that only people in industrialized countries do? Are we so estranged from nature and each other that we seek companionship wherever we can? Lots of people name their cars for example. They refer to it as a he or she and occasionally talk to it. Sometimes when I say something bad about my car, I pat the dashboard and say that I didn't really mean it. You know, just in case it really did hear, would get offended and break on me. Right. Sure. Or how I feel a bit guilty because my old teddybears are just dusting away completely forgotten. As if those lifeless pieces of fabric and stuffing really care. Then you have the plethora of ads where all kinds of things talk. I just saw a Coca-cola ad where icecubes were bouncing about and chattering. Of course...
Posted 14:08

Cute quote
"Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present."

Posted 21:10

Sides
There's always different sides to every story. I find it amazing how many people continuously seem to forget that. If there's an argument between two people and you hear about it only from one of them, all you hear is that one person's viewpoint, not the whole truth. Why can't people always keep that in mind? Why make up your mind so easily when you hear a certain story from just one person? Wouldn't it be better to know the truth?

I've been bitter lately, because some people somewhere have been spreading false stories about me. I could try to explain, but it still wouldn't make any sense. So I'll just conclude with Kosh's words from Babylon 5: Understanding is a three-edged sword. Your side, their side, and the truth.
Posted 21:07

Different ways to see things
I saw a glimpse of some tv program about a group of people on a boat trying to find whales for some documentary. After days of searching they finally came upon some whales, not enough and not of the right kind, but it was something.

One of the men was absolutely ecstatic. He wanted to have a party to celebrate. He knew they still needed to keep on looking, but he was extremely happy about just seeing some whales, because he figured it'd mean there was more to come soon enough. After days of searching he was happy to see anything.

The other man was sort of happy, but he argued that there was nothing to celebrate about, since they still needed to go on and keep on searching and that some whales wasn't enough. Seeing whales had been nice, but it changed nothing and they still had just as much work and effort ahead of them like before.

I'm not sure in which category of people I myself belong to - be happy for the little things even when they're not exactly what I hoped for or dismiss them to continue looking for what I really want. I suppose it depends a lot on the circumstances. I try to find happiness even in the little things, but if there's something that I really want, then I find it hard to go around bouncing and cheering with every single small step towards that goal. I want the best thing right away, darn it!
Posted 11:56

Laugh
ROFL! So like me.
Posted 23:18

Freak
I always feel like such a freak when I visit game stores, whether it's computer games or roleplaying games. Even the sci-fi & fantasy section at the bookstore feels a little weird. I always feel like people are staring at me and wondering What the heck is that old woman doing over here? I have never seen another woman in a gaming store. Always just surrounded by a bunch of 13 year old boys, who must think I am at least 50. I don't let it bother me, I mean I still go no matter how much people stare, but it's still rather uncomfortable.

My friend has a similar problem, with clothes. She likes a lot of men's clothes, but she's too ashamed to be seen in their shops or departments. She only goes in the company of a male friend, pretending just to follow him around while he shops, when in fact she's checking out clothes for herself.

All rather ridiculous, when you really think about it.
Posted 19:56

Writing
My dream has always been to become a writer. Sci-fi & fantasy novels. As a kid I always started all kinds of "books", but never finished. Lately I've been pondering on trying again. There's a story brewing in my head and in general I'm just getting the urge to pour my imagination somewhere.

I have two problems: 1) As is apparent from these pages, I am not the world's best writer. Maybe I could improve myself, but I'd need a lot of practice first. 2) I'd like to write in english, but it is not my first language. Whenever I try to write anything in finnish, I get too critical of the text. I get stuck in the smallest words, trying to think how to say it better. In english, the words just flow easier. If the text isn't very good, I can always tell myself that it's because english is a foreign language to me and that'll give me a permission to make mistakes and not worry so much about what I write. Should I ever actually write enough to make up a whole book, then I can find myself an english professor or some such and try to get help in revising the text.

Have to see. I'm very good when it comes to I really should do... and never actually doing it.
Posted 10:17