Update at last
My last day at work before Christmas was quite horrible. Bad things happening there. So the four days off came at the right time. Christmas over at Gingerbug and W's new place was very nice. Nothing at all like the usual Christmas traditions that I am used to, but it was a pleasant, peaceful and relaxing experience amongst friends, which was the most important thing.

Now I am using every opportunity to enjoy the last days of a roommate-less home. I haven't washed the dishes in two weeks, there's all kinds of clutter filling every space, the kitchen table stands in the middle of the bedroom rather (so that I can play a computer game and watch tv at the same time naturally) and I go to bed around 3am (waking up today at 6am to go to work was quite painful however). In other words, I am doing all the kinds of things which I cannot do when the roomie is around. Not that I deliberately want to live like a pig normally, but now it's been very relaxing to be able to just do whatever and not having to take anybody else into account.

I got an e-mail from my mother in which she wrote along the lines of "soon it'll be january and you'll be coming home. yippee" (yes she really did write yippee too). My family has always been very sparing with showing their affectionate feelings towards one another, so one has to learn to read between the lines. She'll never tell me that she loves me or even that she misses me, but from that one line I know she does. I have decided to ask for a brief holiday at the end of January. Assuming that I'll be granted one, I'll be flying to Finland on January 27th as my plane ticket indicates and stay for about 1.5 weeks. I still haven't quite decided whether to fly back or to attempt to drive back instead. I really miss my car, but the prospect of taking the over-night ferry to Stockholm, driving through Sweden, Denmark, spending a night in a hotel somewhere, driving through Germany, Holland, Belgium and taking the tunnel from France to England, all by myself, is a bit daunting. Have to think on it more. I must be crazy just to be considering driving on the "wrong" side here in England.

What I sometimes hate about my current internet-less life is that I get so many ideas about what to write about, but once I get around to a computer they've all fled from my mind. So many things happening in the world currently for example. I am getting somewhat freaked out by all the warnings of a supposedly inevitable major terrorist attack just waiting to happen in England. London airports and the underground are the prime targets. I use/visit both almost daily. If things will happen, they'll happen no matter where I go, but it's still quite a new experience to be at the center of things, so to speak, rather than in a relatively peaceful and safe Finland. Not that I am expecting a bomb to go off at any moment here, but just that the chances of something like that happening here are higher than what I am previously used to. All the while events in the world seem to be spiralling worse and worse.

The worst of all is that I still haven't seen The Two Towers! I dare to call myself a fan, do I?
Posted 18:37

Time flies
I can't believe it's almost Christmas. It happens every year. One moment it's November and there's still plenty of time to buy those Christmas cards and send them off and the next moment it's couple of days from Christmas. Needless to say, once again I have neglected to send anybody cards. I meant to send my mother some kind of a present too, but it's too late for that now as well. I am working 8 days in a row (today was the 4th) so that does not leave very much time to do anything else unfortunately. I did manage to fulfill one Christmas project of mine, which was to buy myself a digital camera (Of course I won't forget about the present for myself). It's still in the box. Can't wait to get home to try it out!

December is almost over. Where has all the time gone? To go back to Finland in January or not? For the first time in my life, when I am abroad, I don't think of going to Finland as 'going home'. I want to visit, certainly. I really want to go there for a few days, but I also definately want to come back here. Or so I think right now at least. Maybe I'll change my mind once I do go back to "visit". Oh why oh why does it have to be so hard to make a decision about this?

With my roommate gone for the holidays, I've come to realize just how much she does affect my daily life. I don't usually feel it, not consciously, but it does seem that I am unconsciously always stressed about living with her. I just notice it now, comparing how I was feeling when she was around and how I am feeling now. The weird moody swings are over. The ones that made me feel like crying without any apparent reason to. I feel happy and content once more. I truly enjoy the peace and quiet and the ability to do whatever I want whenever I want. It's such an important thing for me. I am actually able to get a full 8 hours of sleep every night now, without any interruptions from her. Such bliss.

In case I don't get to update before Christmas (chances are high that I won't)... MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Posted 18:41

Instant Muse Story Starter
This is to all the aspiring writers out there. My first one came to be:

My main character/protagonist is a female. My main character is a homemaker. An archetype present in my story is Dionysus. A key object or symbol in my story is a Jeep. My story will be set in a rooftop conservatory. My story is about illusion.

I still have 2500 words left to finish off NaNoWriMo first though...
Posted 16:44

Finnish
I find myself beginning to miss the Finnish language more and more. I had a couple of Finnish customers the other day. I thought I heard them speaking Finnish to each other while waiting in the queue and when they finally came to me, I asked the first one in English if she was Finnish. She said yes. All I had to do was silently point at my name tag and she immediatelly greeted me in Finnish and then said that I had the same name as her.

Day after day I keep hearing my name distorted in the worst possible ways. Nobody can say it right. Most cannot remember it. My managers don't know how to write it. To all of them my name is just some odd gibberish that means nothing to them and thus is easily forgettable. It was such a warm fuzzy feeling to meet some people to whom my name is a genuine one, an easily recognizable one and one that instantly tells them what country I come from. I was part of them. They were my people. I wasn't an outsider to them. These people would never make the mistake of confusing which one is my first name and which one is my surname. To them it's blatantly obvious which is which.

I really miss that. I miss hearing my name. I miss hearing Finnish around me.
Posted 16:36

Blogging
Been a while since I had the time to check on Dork Tower and today stumbled onto this.
Posted 19:19

Ahhh ha ha ha
Frodo Cattins.
Posted 19:19

Chinchillas
There should be more chinchillas in all the movies.
Posted 19:10

Argh!
I am so pissed off at myself right now. I tried to go home after work and just write my novel (oh how grand that sounds), but the need to rant and rave about my own stupidity won over. Why is it that I am so anti-feminine in so many respects, but when it comes to one female quality, crying, I am completely helpless? I was angry today. Things happened at work which made me angry and I spent the day quietly fuming to myself and thinking of all the things I'd like to say. Then when I finally had the chance to voice my opinions, what did I do? All of a sudden I found myself fighting back tears. Instead of speaking, my voice quivered and I just stammered there stupidly looking all flushed and about to burst into tears. I felt like stomping my feet and screaming to snap myself out of it. The last thing I wanted to do was to cry. I was angry! Grr. I never got to say what I wanted to say, because it was just too hard. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Posted 19:17

Sleep and stuff
Sleep or the lack of it makes a huge impact on my life. Sometimes it feels like everything depends on whether or not I have slept enough. When I don't get enough sleep I get seriously irritated, short-tempered and usually end up getting sick as well. All it takes is a few hours of sleep less one night and I become another person the next day. I might not be sleepy at all, but at the same time I no longer have patience for anything and everything irritates me. A couple more nights of not enough sleep and I am guaranteed to catch a cold.

That's pretty much what my life has been like the past couple of weeks. Very early morning shifts, not enough sleep, naps here and there and eating vitamins to get over a stuffy nose. By some miracle I have managed not to shout at the customers, but the you're-too-fat-guy got a hissed "shut the fuck up" when I finally got totally fed up with him and his continual pestering of me. He keeps punching me and I keep telling him that he actually hurts me. Today his remark was that I have so much fat that when he punches me I cannot possibly feel a thing. Yep, he's so nice... I can stand up for myself and I feel like screaming all kinds of obscenities at him, but I really can't in front of all the customers. If it continues much longer I'm going to talk with the managers though. Wonder if they'll do anything about it.

The whole roommate situation is beginning to irk me more and more as well, especially when it comes to sleeping again. If I have an early morning shift then I try to go to sleep early, but it really does not help when my roommate barges in just when I have fallen asleep, proceeds to turn on the lights and for the next hour she does this and that keeping me awake. One of the nights she even turned on the television. I raised my head from the pillow and gave her a deadly look. "Oh, does this bother you?" she asked. I just nodded grimly and buried myself under the cover again. She took the hint luckily. It's really hard to get a real good solid eight hours of sleep. Instead it's these fragments of sleep in between waking up to whatever my roommate is doing, either in the evening or in the morning.

I need my sleep. I know it's not going to make me beautiful any more, but at least it would keep me sane and healthy.
Posted 17:49

Happy 85th Birthday to Finland!!!
I am a day early, the independence day is on December 6th actually, but since I will not be updating then I'm doing it now, as is obvious.

Finland became an independent country on December 6th 1917. Before that time it had been part of Russia.

Independence day in Finland has always been a very calm and quiet celebration. There is absolutely no fireworks whatsoever. The only thing people are expected to do is to place a candle by the window when it gets dark. I must admit to not knowing how or why this particular custom came into being. Some people visit the graves of those who died in wars. The evening news is sure to show the President and Prime Minister at some monument laying down a wreath of flowers. The war veterans are remembered in some fashion - they are continually credited with keeping Finland independent during the wars in 1939 to 1944. The university students, in Helsinki at least, have a torch parade which begins from the Hietaniemi graveyard, goes by the president's palace and ends at the Senate square where the national anthem is sung. I took part in that one year and it was quite an experience.

In the evening about half of the Finnish population becomes glued to the television to watch the most popular program of the entire year, the yearly independence day reception that is held at the presidential palace. The whole thing is televised, starting from when all the guests, politicians, veterans, celebrities, diplomats etc march inside in a slow line and shake hands with the presidential couple. There is constant commentary on who is wearing what this year and who is bringing whom as their date. This commentary goes on for the next couple of weeks in the magazines. Then the cameras follow around the party, witnessing the presidential couple starting the first dance and others joining in, reviewing what sort of food is being served this year and interviewing the several guests inside the building. The whole thing follows the same pattern every single year. The people at the palace may change, but the traditions remain the same.

I am a very patriotic person. I like many other countries and I am seriously considering staying in England for a year or two, because I like it here so much, but Finland will always be the most important country in the world to me. I'll probably spend much of tomorrow humming the national anthem to myself.
Posted 15:13

Latest Bond
Went to see the Die Another Day and the comment that comes to mind most strongly is 'groan'. I know that Bonds are filled with silly gadgets and stupid punchlines, but in this one it just seemed like everything had been done way over the top. Such as the surfing amongst the icebergs scene, where the computer had done a horrible job at it too. It was so ridiculous and so fake. The new face-related technology (trying to avoid spoilers here) raised some quite interesting thoughts in my head though, especially considering the news lately...
Posted 14:18

NaNoWriMo
I didn't finish in time. Blah. My problem is that I got too much done too soon. On the 15th I had 34000 words done and was well in advance of the schedule, so I thought to give myself a couple of days of vacation from writing... Very bad idea. It killed off the momentum completely and I had serious problems getting back into the mood after that. I did manage to scrounge up 40000 words in total, but that's not quite enough. I will try to get the remaining 10000 (and however many more I might need to actually finish off the story) before putting it to a rest for a couple of months. After that I'll dig it up and begin the painful process of rewriting, rewriting and rewriting some more. My plan and dream certainly is to see it as a published book one day. Me a real writer? Now that would be something.
Posted 18:17

Escapology
Not much of a Robbie Williams fan, but I am considering buying the latest CD Escapology just for the great lyrics it seems to have:

I just wanna feel real love,
feel the home that I live in,
I got too much love,
running through my veins, still going to waste.

I just wanna feel real love,
in a life ever after
Theres a hole In my soul,
you can see it in my face, its a real big place.

Come on hold my hand,
I wanna contact the living,
not sure I understand,
this role I've been given
- Feel

If you can't wake up in the morning
Cause your bed lies vacant at night
If you're lost, hurt, tired or lonely
Can't control it, try as you might
May you find that love that won't leave you
May you find it by the end of the day
You won't be lost, hurt, tired and lonely
Something beautiful will come your way
- Something beautiful

Violet in the rainbow just melt away
There's not enough minutes in the hour
Or hours in the day
The song played in a circle that never skips a beat
The stranger in a country that I have yet to meet

And it's hope that springs eternal for everyone
Got a lifetime in a second oh the damage done

Trying to love somebody
Just wanna love somebody right now
Guess there's just no pleasing me
I want to love somebody
Just want to love somebody right now
Baby lay your love on me
- Love somebody
Posted 18:04

Advent Calendars
When I was a child I had the best ever advent calendar. My mother made 24 little sacks out of cloth and every year she would go out and buy 24 little things that she put inside these sacks - candy, tiny toys, a coin and various other kinds of little trinkets. Then every day I would get to open one of them. Nobody else had a cool "calendar" like I did. It is now time for me to pass on this great tip to all the parents in the world so that their children might enjoy the fruits of this splendid idea as well. Of course it is a bit late for this year though.
Posted 17:59