Hidden thoughts and interests

Great Finns
The Finnish national tv (Yle) is organizing a 'who is the greatest Finn ever' competition, where the nation nominates and votes. They just published the 100 names that made it onto the list.

Linus Torvalds (creator of Linux) made it onto #16.
Jorma Ollila (the boss of Nokia) made it onto #51.

Funnily enough one of the hosts of the show (Arvi Lind) himself made it onto #83.

Lots of very interesting and well-deserved names, but unfortunately they probably mean very little to non-Finns.

Here's the top 10 in no particular order (the final winner will be announced in December):

Arvo Ylppö (1887-1992) - Pioneer in children's causes, especially medicin and was instrumental in lowering the death rates among infants.

Urho Kekkonen (1900-1986) - President for 25 years, during the difficult cold war years (Russia is our neighbour so it wasn't easy)

Mikael Agricola (1510-1557) - Inventor of the Finnish written language. Before he started figuring out how Finnish should be written, it was only a spoken language.

Tarja Halonen (1943-) - Our current president. The first female president. Excellent at her job!

Aleksis Kivi (1834-1872) - Labelled as the national novelist. Wrote many famous (well for Finns anyways) books dealing with the Finnish life.

Risto Ryti (1889-1956) - President during the Continuation war (1941).

Elias Lönnrot (1802-1884) - Linguist and folktale gatherer. The writer of Finnish national epic Kalevala (based on the folktales that he heard during his travels).

Adolf Ehrnroot (1905-2004) - Army general during the Winter and Continuation war. Up until his death he personified all war veterans and spoke on their behalf.

Jean Sibelius (1865-1957) - Great composer. His most famous piece is Finlandia, which perfectly speaks of the struggles that Finland was going through. Highly recommended listening.

C.G.E. Mannerheim (1867-1951) - Commander in chief during Finland's three wars (Civil, Winter, Continuation) and later on a president as well.

I'm leaning towards Agricola, Lönnrot or Sibelius.
Posted 22:42

Game vs. Play
I am busy and stressed out about my studies. So much to do. If there is anybody still out there possibly reading these words, here's a question that I would love to get answers to:

What is the difference between play and game? Say like hide-and-seek vs. Trivial Pursuit?

I won't say anything else, because I don't want to lead anybody's thoughts in any particular direction.
Posted 13:22

Winner
I had a dream last night that I won two Nobel prizes. I don't remember what the first one was, but the second was for economics. Some time ago I had a dream where I made this invention out of bamboo sticks. Let's just say it had to do with cheap plumbing for poor countries. Funny thing is that last night I dreamt that I won a Nobel prize for that invention. I remember being interviewed about what it felt like to win two prizes in the same year.
Posted 17:09

Alone
It took me almost two months to recuperate properly, but I am finally ready for a job. With summer and its many activities gone, my few friends busy with other things (like being in Rome, Italy right now, grr), I am in fact lacking in social interaction. For a hardcore introvert like myself that is saying a lot. I am actually feeling lonely!

Not to mention I am getting tired of counting the pennies. I need a new DVD player. I'd really love a new computer. All purchases are on hold until I get a steady income again. So far I have spent only 284,05€ (+ "rent") in September, which I think is pretty darn good.

It's hard to find a job though and I don't mean just in actually getting a job, but to find one that'll fit in with my study schedule. I have lectures starting at 4pm so I can't get a job where they demand me to be there from 8-16. I've sent a few inquiries to a few places asking if they allow flexible hours and never heard anything back. There's cleaning jobs pretty much any time of the day, but I absolutely hate cleaning. If I won't clean my own apartment then I'm not going to go clean somebody else's office either. I don't want any job where I am directly involved with customers. I have done enough of those. I've thought of a few data processing jobs (nice office job etc), but I sit in front of a computer enough as it is. I need to do the whole computer & internet thing for my studies. I don't need it for a job as well. I just don't know. I know I am far too picky.
Posted 21:17

Studies
I should be doing far more than I am already and even right this moment I am procrastinating about a couple of things, but otherwise things are going well. A good part of my studies takes place on the internet, in the form of discussions on certain subjects. That has been hard to get used to. I have always been a lurker, not a poster. I have had to force myself to voice my opinions.

It is so great though to really have opinions. I know what people are talking about and I know what I am saying. I know this field, it is in my blood. In computer science I was the one sitting quietly at the back having no clue what was going on. Not so now. I still get overwhelmed occasionally when the true academics bring out their fancy words and incomprehensible sentences, but I am still able to grasp the underlying message in all of that. It is unbelievably satisfying to finally have an idea of where I belong.

This week I attended my first ever fun lecture. It was engaging and interesting from start to finish. Not entirely due to the subject matter, I'm pretty sure, but because the guest lecturer was also so good at it. Part of the lecture consisted of her describing what exactly she does at work and I found myself so jealous. She was describing my dream job (well one of them, after astronaut etc). Most importantly though was the revelation when I knew that I could do that job. I have what it takes. I would be really good at it.

I only wish I had started on all of this sooner.
Posted 10:43

Star Wars DVDs
As some of you may or may not have heard, Lucas is going to release the original Starwars movies on DVD. However, 'original' is a rather interesting term, since apparently Lucas has chosen to make even more changes. Certain face will be digitally altered with another etc. It's too sad to get into in detail.

Something Awful decided to do their own changes too...
Posted 21:44

Summer is over
First snow fell in northern Finland today. Depressing.
Posted 20:56

Turning grey
Last summer (2003) I decided to finally try dyeing my hair for the first time. I went from fairly dark brown haired person to a complete blond. Just out of curiousity to see what I would look like. It's been over a year now and many dyes later I have decided to have a peek at my own haircolour for a while. Except for some blond still lingering on top, I am back to my own mousy coloured hair.

It's been a shock to see just how much gray I have. It's not just a stripe here and a small patch there anymore, but there's gray everywhere. My father was completely gray by his 30s. Now in his 50s he's been totally white haired for years. My mother is almost completely gray in her 50s. With genes like that, I never stood a chance. I found my first gray hair when I was 18.

I don't really mind. If and when the gray begins to really bother me, I can always dye my hair. I'm just sad thinking that once my own hair colour is gone, it is gone forever and no amount of dye will ever bring it back to exactly like it was.

I hate getting older.
Posted 09:59

What's up
The four weeks that I have been unemployed now have flown by very quickly. Originally this was the length of time I had considered staying on "vacation", so with that in mind, I should be returning to work on Monday. Scary thought. I am not ready yet.

On the other hand, I should start looking for a new job by now. They don't grow on trees and there's no guarantee that I will actually find work when I want. Better to find one now while I still have money left, I suppose.

In other news, I want to become a full-time student again. Last year I worked full-time and studied on the side. I want the opposite now. After years and years of not getting anything done academically, it is really great to have motivation and energy once more. In my dreams I will get my master's degree in 1.5 years from now and that will help me to finally get a job that I will actually like.

One of my mother's dogs died today, right in her lap. After their greatly beloved and still sorely missed dog died last November, they finally agreed this summer to give a home to two new dogs. They were already around twelve years old both, but in great shape. Coco was a very curious one, always sticking her nose everywhere and she ate everything she could find. This time she ate a corn stalk (?) which ended up lodged inside of her, which lead to her being operated and then today she just suddenly stopped breathing. I am beginning to wonder why people get pets at all. So much sorrow.

Posted 20:44

About vacations
General Motors in USA is letting its workers buy five extra vacation days, $175 each. Excuse me? Buy? They only get two weeks as it and to get a few days more, you have to pay? Is this the norm in the USA?

Hurray to Finland. We get five weeks off (less than in some other European countries even), all paid with a vacation bonus too and if you really need more days then it's just unpaid. Also, there's no such concept as sick days. If you're sick, then you're just sick, no matter how often. Go to a doctor and everything is paid for.

Not that any of this really concerns me right now though. My "work" today has been cleaning my apartment.

Posted 14:24

Things look good
I couldn't have picked a better time to begin my life of unemployment. The whole summer has been horrible weatherwise so far, except for last week when the heat finally arrived.

So far: Seven days of heat, six days of unemployment, six days of swimming on a beach, five different beaches.

My life couldn't improve much more from this. When the sun shines, Finland turns into a paradise during summers. If it weren't for the whole money issue, I could do this forever.

Posted 15:30

Oh no
I only now read that Richard Biggs has died, at the end of May, of a stroke. He played Dr. Franklin on the tv series Babylon 5. He was only 44.

Posted 15:23

L.A. Story
One of my favorite movies of all time, absolutely.

"All I know is, on the day your plane was to leave, if I had the power, I would turn the winds around, I would roll in the fog, I would bring in storms. I would change the polarity of the Earth so compasses couldn't work, so your plane couldn't take off."

"Why is it that we don't always recognize the moment when love begins, but we always know when it ends."

Posted 22:41

Speedlimits
There is something that boggles my mind. I usually drive a bit over the speed limit, the exact amount depending on what the speed limit actually is. On my way to work the speed limit is 100km/h, so I drive about 115km/h. However, there's a part where the limit is reduced to 80km/h due to roadwork. So I go down to 90km/h for that.

Here's the part I don't understand: Almost all of the drivers go 100km/h, so I end up going past them. When we hit the slower part, these drivers continue to go the steady 100km/h, as if the reduced speed limit did not exist at all, and thus they end up passing me in turn. When the speed limit returns to 100km/h, I again end up passing them. I end up looking like one of those people who just can't stand it when somebody passes them by and will do everything to get ahead again. If these people are against going over the speedlimit, then why do they do it when there is construction and a narrower road of all places?

I realize I am rambling about the stupidest thing ever, but this whole thing does baffle me every single time.

Posted 20:37

My work
Six workdays to go. I am already getting anxious, in a worried sort of way, about going to work tomorrow. It already started Saturday night, making it hard for me to fall asleep. I am really looking forward to the day when I am finally free and I can feel like myself again.

A big boss (one of the owners) came to see me this week. He wanted to know why I was quitting. I told him that I was really tired and desperately in need of a vacation. I said that I was going to take at least August off, before starting to look for a new job. Here's the flattering part: He said for me to take as much time as I needed and if I wanted I'd have a job waiting for me, because people like me are sorely needed. He even went as far as to say that they'd give me enough of a raise that I would surely be satisfied. Wow.

There goes my ungrateful self again, but I am just not sure about that. Right now I feel like 'absolutely no' about going back, but perhaps after a month off, it won't be so bad. I'll just have to wait and see. It's great though to have at least something to fall back on if things go really badly on the employment market. Still, regardless of a raise or anything else, I cannot picture myself working in the warehouse business for the rest of my life.

I seem to be made for jobs like these. When I worked in the restaurant in England, they too offered me a raise if only I would stay. Not to brag about myself, but apparently I am a bit too smart for the low-end jobs. I end up making supervisor quite quickly, but the problem is that I get really bored. Now when I was working on the computer job in my previous life I was stressed out all the time, because I felt far too dumb for the job. I had to struggle constantly to keep my head above water and it felt like at any moment they'd catch on to me and fire me as the useless employer that I felt like. I need to find something in the middle. I wish I had a clue what that could be.

Posted 17:51

Episode III (Star wars)
Looks like it is going to be called Revenge of the Sith. A far better title than The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones were, although it sort of looks like Lucas ran out of ideas even when it comes to movie titles. (Episode VI originally Revenge of the Jedi -> Return of the Jedi).

I have huge expectations when it comes to this movie. I try not to, knowing how badly episodes I and II disappointed, but III is the one where everything should come to a conclusion. Episode III is the one that should make I and II worth it.

May 2005. Less than a year to go.

Posted 17:44

Kick me
"You ungrateful b*****d!" the Universe said to me the other day. "I got you a nice enough job that pays alright and it's not enough for you huh? You dare to quit it? Well take this!" And bam, my car broke down. Of course it's serious. Of course some major component needs to be replaced with a brand new one. Of course it costs 800€. Money that I could have surely spent elsewhere as I am soon to be unemployed. Oh the irony of it all.
Posted 19:51

Spiderman 2
There's something wrong with me, but I absolutely hated Spiderman 2. I couldn't wait for it to be over finally. The villain was the only cool thing, but they had to go and kill him at the end! He lasted a heck of a lot longer in the comics. I don't know. There were just far too many over the top moments. Charlie's Angels has its ridiculous moments, but those are obviously done tongue in cheeck. In Spiderman 2 they seemed to be really serious about it all. There was waaay too much dwelling on the whole should he or shouldn't he be spiderman after all. It was like there was a huge billboard flashing 'alert alert big meaningful talk about the meaning of life coming up... again'. It was all so predictable when they were doing their tricks trying to manipulate the audience to feel a certain way. I'm just getting tired of seeing that in so many movies.
Posted 23:00

It didn't offer me an apple
I saw a snake yesterday. I think it might have been the first snake I have really seen properly, out in the wild. Finland only has two types of snakes, one poisonous (not terribly so) and one not. This was of the non-poisonous kind, I'm pretty sure.

I was at mom's house and the snake was right in the middle of her lawn, so I knew she was going to scream the moment she got home. So I got a stick and went to poke at the snake. All this while it had never moved anywhere. When I got really close I noticed that it had the most humanguous frog stuck half-way into its mouth. Those awful legs still sticking out. Gross, but fascinating. Spiders freak me out, but never snakes.
Posted 22:38

Sigh
One of the problems of being a woman, at least for me, is that sometimes it is hard to know for sure why I am feeling the way I am. Is there a justifiable reason to feel like crap or are my hormones just playing tricks on me?

Everytime I think that the weekend is over and I have to go to work tomorrow, I feel like curling up into a ball and crying. It's almost like the beginning of an anxiety attack. But I don't know if I really detest my work that much, or whether I am just tired or is it some particular time in the monthly cycle.
Posted 20:57

My job
I had a dream about my job last night. All past week I tried to get up the courage to tell my boss that I want to quit. There was never a good time. Either he wasn't alone or then in the usual bad mood, which I didn't want to add to. So, in the dream I am at work, as usual and suddenly the boss asks me 'Have you noticed that you are not giving as much to the work as you used to?' at which point I had the perfect opportunity to tell that I am seriously lacking in motivation and thinking of quitting. Now if only I could get that to happen in the real world as well.

The problem is that all of the vacation times have been planned already. When the boss goes on vacation, I am supposed to fill in. If I were to quit during the summer, it would upset the plans of three people (The boss, person A who'd replace me and person B who person A is filling in for). It would make me a very hated person. Right now I am thinking of hanging on till the end of July, which'll take care of most of the vacations.
Posted 10:47

Ouch
I punched myself in the eye today. I was trying to lift something heavy when my hand slipped and went flying backwards, knuckles first, straight into my eye. Oohh that hurt. Took a while before I could see anything. I am dangerous to myself. Reminds me of an old friend of mine who once, in a sort of a similar way, knocked himself unconscious.
Posted 19:58

Come to think of it...
Who and why decided which words should be written with the first letter capitalized? Why is it Sunday and not sunday? Going with the Finnish language rules, it would be sunday and christmas. Also, while I live in Finland, I am finnish, not Finnish. Sometimes it gets hard to remember which words get to be capitalized in English and which do not in Finnish.
Posted 17:44

I don't know what to do with myself
It's Sunday, no work. It is meant to be the day of rest, and yet I constantly have this nagging feeling that there is something important that I really should be doing. Yeah, I really need to clean my apartment, but things like that can always wait. I feel like there is something very essential that I am missing out on. It is hard to let go of old habits.

So far I have watched the entire season 2 of Sex and the City on DVD. Borrowed from a friend. I've been utterly amazed at the fact that I had seen every single episode before. I've never watched the series obsessively. Or so I thought.

Sometimes I think I'm a really confusing mix of contradictions. I can be such an anti-feminine geek sometimes and yet I love chick flicks, for one thing. I can't watch stupid TV shows (Anna Nicole Smith Show or whatever it was being a prime example) and yet I watch Big Brother (UK) intensely (4th one just started, 2nd remains my favorite). I just don't know...

And I am just babbling for lack of anything better to do.
Posted 17:26

Ha ha ha ha ha haaa
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure...

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
Posted 09:34

Not so hot anymore
I got back from Thailand on Friday. It was a very spur of the moment kind of thing when I decided to go there. I didn't want to go during the summer, because it's short enough already and needs to be enjoyed to the fullest right here, so it was now or never.

I had a pretty good time. Did a whole lot of nothing, really. I'm not that big on seeing the sights and anyways this wasn't my first trip to Thailand. I've ridden on an elephant and done all that stuff before already. Btw, this time on the way back to the airport, I spotted two elephants right in the middle of very busy Bangkok traffic. That was strange.

All in all the different culture takes quite a lot of getting used to. It is also really weird to look so different from everybody else. I spent hours and hours at different shopping centers, never seeing another white person. People stared. A lot. And they weren't shy about it either. One person nearly fell off his motorbike as he drove past me and then proceeded to stare at me further over his shoulder, instead of looking where he was going. It was hard knowing that no matter what I did, I could never fully fit in. I imagine the foreign-looking people in Finland feel exactly the same.

Everytime I walked into a store, in 1.2 seconds there was somebody attached to my side. Despite what I did, they kept very close to me and followed me around. Far closer than I am comfortable with. A lot of times it felt like people were following me around, although I am sure they weren't. On several occasions somebody would be practically breathing down my neck as I walked along. To shake them off, I'd stop suddenly at some booth and what do you know, my follower stopped there as well. When I moved on, they moved on. Enough to make a person paranoid.

The grocery stores are always an experience. There's all the usual stuff, but to be honest, some things remind me more of a petstore. At least in Finland that's where you find such things as dried pigs ears, rather than in a grocery store. For a lot of the stuff, it's impossible to tell what it is. You can't even say in which food group it belongs to. The -candy- section is filled with dried fish and dried seaweed. Very popular with the kids. I thought I had seen all the possible weird chips (crisps) flavours in England (vegemite, worchester sauce etc), but Thailand introduced quite a few more, such as seaweed or green tea flavoured chips. Everything came in a green tea flavour, ice cream, muffins, drinks... I still think the weirdest item was a package of fresh chicken's feet, claws and all.

So, when people say that they really love Thai food, they should realize that it's all fancy restaurant stuff, possibly even altered a little to fit that country's taste habits. The real homemade Thai food is quite a different thing.

We went to Pattaya for a couple of days. It's a very big touristy place and as such, quite depressing. The place was packed with white men. Everytime you saw an old, bald and fat white man, there was a young Thai woman by his side. Without exceptions. Well, no, actually sometimes it was a young Thai man instead. I found that depressing and shameful to my own race, although I suppose I shouldn't really feel that way. The men can finally find some companion to spend time with, while the women get to enjoy the men's money for a while. A beneficial agreement on both sides, I guess, but still... I had absolutely no wish to see any of the nightlife in a place like that.

I got to go to a Thai funeral. They usually last at least three days, I only went on the last day. I know this sounds so inapproriate, but in all honesty, the funeral was very boring. We were there close to three hours and only 5-10 minutes of it consisted of the actual ritual. A couple of minutes of action followed by half hour of waiting, then another two minutes of action followed by more waiting. There's a lot of sitting around and waiting, in excruciating heat with no air-conditioning.

The funeral was held in a large Buddhist temple area in Bangkok, with a lot of similarly built buildings scattered around it, so you could hold several funerals there at once. There was a kind of a temple, with a stage in front of it and further off chairs facing the stage. The middle of the temple was a big cremation chamber (not sure what the correct term is). Next to the temple was an open building (two walls, ceiling) where the coffin was held. On the third day the coffin was lifted onto a stretcher with wheels on it. A monk went first, then the coffin and then everybody attending the funeral followed as the coffin made its way three times around the temple. It was then lifted onto a pedestal on the temple stage. Then eventually a monk came onto the stage, did something (the chairs we sat on were too far away to really hear or see anything) and then everybody walked up to the stage. We were given a flower made out of wood, which we tossed onto a tray below the coffin. Then the coffin was pushed inside the chamber and the fire was lit. They didn't completely close the door at first, so I got to see the whole thing engulfed in flames. Everybody got an umbrella as a souvenier from the funeral. Then we left. People were smiling and chatting all the time. It really didn't feel like a funeral at all. Maybe their belief in being reborn again is so strong.

I also got to visit a Thai hospital. Not that I needed a hospital, but apparently that's where the best doctors hang out. It's so embarrassing. I went swimming and got myself a tennis elbow! Never happened before. Good news is that I'm on sick leave until Wednesday. A nice prolonged holiday! Yay!
Posted 18:03

The End is near
First it was 'Cry me a river' from Justin Timberlake and now 'Everytime' by Britney Spears... All the apocalypse needs anymore is a song worth listening to by Christina Aguilera...
Posted 15:05

I'm amazing
I am a fairly rabid fan of the television show Stargate SG-1. So I often visit Gateworld, the best site for news about SG. Sometime ago they asked the readers to contribute their thoughts on what they most anticipate about the upcoming season 8. My response got "published"!

"Unfortunately, we're only able to include a small percentage in the page below -- so if you find a letter you wrote, you might have to reevaluate how amazing you are. You beat the less than 0.5 percent chance!"

I would like to see a definite closure for Sam and Jack's relationship, for good or bad. I think the argument about regulations has been drawn out far too long. It has made the two of them seem like immature children for not being able to discuss their feelings with one another. It has also made for bad continuity -- now it's hinted that they really like each other, now they don't seem to care one bit. I am not expecting steamy sex scenes, nor do I think they fit in with the show, but just seeing Sam and Jack finally sit down, openly acknowledge what is going on and decide where to go from there. Like the President said: they are allowed to have feelings, after all. Just admitting the existance of feelings does not automatically mean acting on them.

Essi

Posted 16:41

Missed it
The weather has been unbelievable lately. Absolutely gorgeous, felt like July. Highly unusual for May. I'm not complaining!

Back in February some friends and I booked a special cruise trip, a party boat with bands, shows and stuff. So, today I rushed home from work, took a quick shower, grabbed my bag and headed towards the harbour. I arrived there half an hour before the boat was to leave. We got in line, everybody started to take out their passports, while I wondered what on earth were those for. Yep yep. No passport, no cruise. I felt like an idiot, but it was also kind of funny.

I walked all the way home, which was a few miles, but it was nice, watching all the people in downtown Helsinki and the sun shining warmly. Bought my mother a mother's day gift along the way. Now I'm back at home, freshly showered once again, feeling good from the exercise, watching Minority Report which I also bought and just generally happy to be relaxing after a long week of work. I don't regret missing the boat one bit. I hope they're having a blast though.
Posted 19:56

The fifth sentence
Through this and that, I stumbled onto Burningbird, where I found this:

1. Grab the nearest book
2. Open the book to page 23
3. Find the fifth sentence
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions

The nearest book was The Warden by Anthony Trollope, a book which I found behind the bookcase while cleaning, picked up and forgot on the table. I haven't read it, although I probably should, since it's apparently a classic. Feel free to gasp at me now for my ignorance.

The coarse black gown of the hospital, the breeches and buckled shoes became him well; and as he sat with his hands folded on his staff, and his chin resting on his hands, he was such a listener as most musicians would be glad to welcome.

The fifth sentence comes to half a page already. That writer likes long sentences, but they're rather nice sentences nonetheless.
Posted 23:23

My work
I should be doing something important right now. Instead I began to clean the apartment as a way to procrastinate. And now I am blogging to procrastinate from cleaning. Wonder what's next...

It's been a wonderfully peaceful four days. Easter in Finland always means that Friday and Monday are holidays - a four day weekend! It is absolutely gorgeous outside and I really ought to be out there enjoying it, but since I have to go to work again tomorrow, I'm taking opportunity of the fact that I don't have to go anywhere at all today.

Work has been a bit more stressful lately. I've been promoted to a co-supervisor of sorts. It means that occasionally the actual supervisor tells me what jobs we need to do next and then I set it up for the other workers. Sometimes I divide the workforce, decide who is going to work on what that day. I get things that the workers need to do their job. Stuff like that. When the actual supervisor takes a day off or leaves early, I'm in charge of the whole place.

It's added a new level of interest at the job, but it's also added stress to a previously stress-free job. Things would be much better if the supervisor learned to take things easier and was actually more suited to be a boss. Not once have I heard him say one positive thing. There's never a word of thanks to anybody. It's fairly common to see him walking around cursing loudly. Nothing is ever right. When things got busy, he was pissed off cause it was so busy. When things calmed down, he was pissed off cause it was so quiet. All the workers joke about him and his mood, behind his back naturally, and that's how we tolerate it day after day. When he doesn't look we roll our eyes and smirk at each other, while he goes off on yet another tirade about something.

But since I am now the second in command, in a way, I have to deal with him a lot more than previously. When things go wrong I am the one he comes to demanding for an explanation. I get to listen to all of his gripes and complaints. I've also had to give my opinions on who the company should fire and I've had to organize little disciplinary meetings for the workers. It ain't fun. I'm sure that tomorrow, when I have to go back to work after four days off and I get hit with all the crap again, I will once again contemplate quitting. But I hang in there. Something better will come along eventually.
Posted 12:12

Robinson
There's been a Finnish version of Survivor running on tv for a while now. The contestants were trapped on small islands in Malaysia. I haven't watched the program much, too much reality tv as it is and besides, well, Finns don't make for a very entertaining show. They all participate in building shelters, gathering food and everything, no major quarreling or bossing around. What I find most interesting though is that it's now down to the final five and that consists of a 70-year old man and four women. Yes!
Posted 21:03

Funny or scary?
Doesn't seem big enough for chinchillas.
Posted 01:04

INTJ
I did the personality test mentioned by Feeorin/Alix. As with many personality tests, some questions were really hard. A lot to do with "well it depends on the exact circumstances". So...

I came out as INTJ - Introverted (100%), Intuitive (44%), Thinking (11%), Judging (22%). Apparently I am also a Mastermind. I like the sound of that! "They are rather rare, comprising no more than, say, one percent of the population". I'm special! Although none are as accurate as the article was, this description seems most correct.

Although I do find all the various career choices for INTJ's depressing and I wonder how on earth did they figure out all those other famous INTJ persons. I doubt Jane Austen ever took the Jung - Myers - Briggs test.
Posted 01:00

Hell is other people at breakfast
Somebody wrote an article about my personality. I can't get over how accurate that article is.

Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Yes, me.
Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, Me again.
and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, Ok, not sure about this one. No such experience so far.
but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Here, here.
Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Even the next day if the party was bad enough.
Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice? Me, me, me.

I am not the nicest person in the world. I have enough faults and I don't get along with everybody. But I really hate it when I am being judged arrogant and rude, when I am simply sitting quietly and listening to everybody else speaking non-stop. If people actually stopped for a moment, allowed for a nice silent pause, then I would say something.

However, I am no genius. There are no secrets to life, the universe and everything locked inside my silent mind. People do not need to stop whatever they were doing, begin to stare at me in wonder "She speaks!" whenever I open my mouth. Usually I end up uttering something stupid, unaware before hand that I was expected only to spout words of wisdom and then I'll feel even more self-conscious about speaking again.

a man can still sometimes get away with being what they used to call a strong and silent type; introverted women, lacking that alternative, are even more likely than men to be perceived as timid, withdrawn, haughty Welcome to my world.

Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?" Couldn't. Agree. More. Oh, man. That's happened to me far more times than I'd care to count and makes me see red every single time. Yeah, I know it's nice when people are concerned and perhaps there really is something wrong sometimes. I can sort of understand when strangers ask me those questions, but some people should just know me better by now.

I've known of the terms extrovert and introvert for years, also known that I am an introvert, but this is the best description for one that I have ever read. For once, it gives me hope that perhaps I really am not as strange as I am often thought of to be. As clichey as it is, it's great to "meet" another introvert who fits my description of self so precisely and makes me feel less alone.
Posted 14:15

My Europe
I only counted countries that I have really been to. For example, I've taken a train through Belgium, but I didn't think that counted. Back in the day, I got to visit a country called Yugoslavia, which does not quite exist anymore. So it's represented by the Bosnia Herzogovina on the map. As you can see, I am not too interested in eastern Europe. I'd love to go to Iceland one day though.

create your personalized map of europe
or write about it on the open travel guide
Posted 09:09

Oh.My.God
Earthsea is coming out as a mini-series! *blinkblink* Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, Robin Hobb's trilogies and Ursula LeGuin's books... no mere words could describe those. Amazing. The. Best. Ever. This is incredible.

However, I do think the series will suck. I just cannot imagine a relatively small tv network being able to produce a mini-series worthy of the books. I can already picture it in my head and it's not pretty. Hope they surprise me.

I am just really most amazed of the fact that somebody else has recognized the greatness of all of these books and they are becoming more "mainstream". For most of my life, a lot of people had never even heard of Lord of the Rings before. A lot of people are still clueless as to what it's really about, but at least they've heard of it now. One of these days I might no longer be such a geek for liking sci-fi & fantasy.
Posted 23:35

Not so deep stuff
That huge picture of Brad Pitt dominating the page is quite scary.

I have been really busy. So much to do in such a short time. Between work and sleeping all the time (because I am sleepy all the time), there isn't much time left to do other things.

The last movie that I saw was Lost in translation. I liked it a lot. No movie could have lived up to all the hype though. I liked how realistic it was. I don't mean in depicting japanese people (I don't have experience with Japan to say one way or another), but in showing the general awkwardness of being in a strange place and meeting new people. I recognized a lot of the trivial pleasantries, looks and awkward silences.

I wish Bill Murray had won an Oscar. Would be nice if a commonly perceived comedic actor won that statue one day, instead of somebody portraying the usual angsty or handicapped person. I am SO glad for Lord of the Rings though! Woohoo! I don't think Return of the King in itself was such an amazing movie that it alone deserved 11 Oscars (don't get me wrong, it was still an awesome movie), but I think the Academy finally decided to award the whole project. Put together, all three movies and the work that went into them, certainly deserve every Oscar that they can get. I am really happy for Peter Jackson!

I have found another television series addiction besides Stargate SG-1. Farscape! Due to finnish television always showing everything a few years late, I am only getting into the series now. Saw a few episodes on tv, got blown away and ordered the first two seasons on dvd. While in England I saw the last ever episode, so I know how terribly it all ends. Terribly! But lo and behold, they have actually done a new mini-series that picks up where the final episode left off. Yay!

They're also showing Firefly now. Things are good.

We still have lots and lots of snow left. Due to the warmer weather it has all turned into black, dirty slush. It is incredibly ugly outside. I count the days till summer.
Posted 20:01

Marriage continued
This is starting to get weird. Dreaming about him wasn't enough, now I have to marry him too? I'm in demand these days.

You are going to marry Brad Pitt. He is always
friendly to anybody he ever meets and he is
very talented as an actor. He is also very
sincere and friendly. He will respect you until
the day he dies. Congrats!!

Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (now 12 (i just added more, and still more to come!)results that have pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
Posted 16:23

Leaping into marriage
There's a silly old tradition in Finland that during the leapday it is acceptable for the women to propose to the men. (Not that women couldn't nowadays propose any day of the year, but this funny custom has survived as a little joke). If the man says no then he is obliged to buy the woman some cloth to make a skirt.

Since this excellent offer of free cloth comes only once every four years, I had to take advantage of it. So far my tally is one yes and one no. Both proposals were romantically done by text message. I'm a busy modern woman.

The one who said yes (whom I know in real life) sent a text message back:

Yes my darling!
I thought you'd never ask me! And I don't know a more romantic way
to ask than this. Shall we have our wedding on the internet?
Kisses!

So, woohoo! I'm getting married! ;)
Posted 14:18

Whaaaat?
*POW* It just hit me. In little over a month this blog has been in existance for two years. TWO years? No way. Time flies blah blah etc etc, but it really does! My goodness. All of a sudden there are so many things to ponder about - what have I accomplished in that time, how have I changed...
Posted 22:25

LOTR and Oscars
One Oscar to rule them all.
Posted 15:59

Dreams
I very rarely remember any of my dreams, but occasionally some of them stick to memory. For some odd reason, from time to time I have dreams about the weirdest celebrities. It might be some minor character from a television show that I've never consciously paid much attention to, neither the show or the actor. Usually in the dream they end up being a friend of mine or even my brother.

Some weeks ago I had a dream about Richard Gere and this time the dream was actually romantically inclined. He was telling me how his marriage isn't going that well and while staring deeply into my eyes, telling me how wonderful I am. I woke up beaming from all the flattery, but also baffled, because I've never lusted after Gere.

More recently I had a dream about Harrison Ford and Brad Pitt. Another odd couple. In the dream I was abroad somewhere, sitting at an internet cafe when suddenly the duo popped by and as if we had known each other forever, made some joking comment to me in passing. After they had left I realized that mine and Brad's cellphones had switched. So I called my own phone, Brad answered and just as we were arranging where to meet to swap phones back, I woke up.

Such strange dreams. I wish I knew what they meant. Most of all I wish I could have a hot sexy dream with an actor that I actually like.
Posted 23:28

Alone again
It's just me in the apartment once more. My father's plane should be leaving right about now. I feel empty and sad. I really can't believe it, but I miss him terribly already.

We got along excellently. To an outsider it might have, at times, looked like there were two strangers sharing the same apartment. Although we talked, really talked, very little and most of our "conversations" were along the lines of 'do you want anything from the store?', it was still really great just to have him around. We could both be ourselves and nothing more.

I came to the realization that there is nothing in this world that could replace him. With re-marriages and what not there's step-this and step-that in my life, there's friends and also I am not a child anymore, but my father is still the only father I will ever have. I cannot believe now how little I missed him the past 1.5 years. He's not the healthiest of men and it might be another 1-2 years before we see again. Such opportunities wasted!

I have no clue how he feels though. I have no idea if he was happy to see me or happy to be living with me. His stated reason for the visit was to take care of some needed business over here. But a miracle did happen and he didn't disapprove of my life and even seemed quite pleased when I told him of my future plans.

My last words were 'say hi to everybody from me' and his were 'drive safe', which got me thinking on the way back home. 'Drive safe' is also what my mother tells me every single time we depart (when I am about to drive off, naturally) and I began to wonder if that phrase was my family's version of 'as you wish' from the movie Princess Bride.

Fly safe, dad.
Posted 00:21

A visit
I live in my father's apartment. He lives somewhere else and I haven't seen him since June 2002. Ages ago. On Monday, however, he is coming for a two-week visit. Since he has no other place where to go and this is, after all, his own apartment, he is naturally coming to stay with me. I've been fine with the idea, up until now anyways.

Part of me is really glad. Being forced to share the same small space, at least I will be seeing my father a lot. Making up for all the months of absence in between. We've always gotten along just fine, but since my teenage years it's been hard to find something for us to do together or to talk about. I don't think we understand each other very well, nor can we find ways how to discuss that. It'll still be nice just to have him around though.

Another part of me has some serious doubts about the next two weeks. It will be a miracle if he doesn't, once again, bring up the fact how I am wasting my life. I am afraid of what he'll think about the apartment now and the changes I have made. I fear that, despite my kind request, he will smoke inside the apartment and my allergies will kill me. In general, I am apprehensive about the whole situation, about the parent-child dynamic and how that will play out in this scenario.

Posted 22:26

Excellent read
"Ours was a ragged and uneven parting. Each of us had intended to see the other again. Each of us had had final words to say. My days with [snip] ended like a half-played game of stones, the outcome poised and uncertain, possibilities hovering. Sometimes it seemed to me a cruelty that so much was unresolved between us; at other times a blessing that a hope of reunion lingered. It is like the anticipation that a clever minstrel evokes when he pauses, letting silence pool before sweeping into the final refrain of his song. Sometimes a gap can be seen like a promise yet to be fulfilled."
--- From the book Fool's Fate by Robin Hobb.

I've never cried so much while reading a book as I did when reading that one. The end of Lord of the Rings is certainly heart-wrenching, even devastating, but the above mentioned book had me deeply moved several times along the way. It was the combination of the story-line finally coming to an end and the unbelievably beautiful writing. I am in complete awe of Hobb's mastery of the words. It has gotten increasingly better with each book.

The Farseer trilogy, focusing on the life of FitzChivalry Farseer, came first. Even though the story did come to a definate end, it was a very unsatisfying one. Unfair, would be a good word to use. Then came the Liveship Traders trilogy, which apart from being set in the same world, had very few connections with the first trilogy (or so it seemed at the time). Next, much to my delight, the author chose to check up on FitzChivalry's life and finally bring his story to a real end. So in a sense, Fool's Fate was the culmination of a six book series. An excellent six book series. Not like Robert Jordan's drivel, which at ten books already is getting nowhere near the end and keeps getting more and more trivial and boring. Enough of my sale speech... But if you are, in any way, interested in fantasy (and science-fiction) themed books, then I absolutely recommend reading all of Hobb's novels.
Posted 19:40

Movielist
Apparently I am in a stealing mood. This one I bumped into at Ignispati/Animamea. The idea is to 'bold' the movies that one has seen. Some of these certainly sound very familiar and I also have a nagging suspicion that I have seen them, such as 'One flew over the cuckoo's nest', but since I cannot say for sure, I'm leaving such movies out.

1. Godfather, The (1972)
2. Shawshank Redemption, The (1994)
3. Godfather: Part II, The (1974)
4. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The (2003)
5. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002)
6. Casablanca (1942)
7. Schindler's List (1993)
8. Shichinin no samurai (1954)
9. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The (2001)
10. Citizen Kane (1941)
11. Star Wars (1977)
12. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
13. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
14. Rear Window (1954)
15. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
16. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
17. Memento (2000)
18. Usual Suspects, The (1995)
19. Pulp Fiction (1994)
20. North by Northwest (1959)
21. Fabuleux destin d'Amelie Poulain, Le (2001)
22. Psycho (1960)
23. 12 Angry Men (1957)
24. Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
25. Silence of the Lambs, The (1991)
26. Buono, il brutto, il cattivo, Il (1966)
27. It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
28. Goodfellas (1990)
29. American Beauty (1999)
30. Vertigo (1958)
31. Sunset Blvd. (1950)
32. Pianist, The (2002)
33. Matrix, The (1999)
34. Apocalypse Now (1979)
35. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
36. Some Like It Hot (1959)
37. Taxi Driver (1976)
38. Paths of Glory (1957)
39. Third Man, The (1949)
40. C'era una volta il West (1968)
41. Fight Club (1999)
42. Boot, Das (1981)
3. Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi (2001) (Spirited Away)
44. Double Indemnity (1944)
45. L.A. Confidential (1997)
46. Chinatown (1974)
47. Singin' in the Rain (1952)
48. Requiem for a Dream (2000)
49. Maltese Falcon, The (1941)
50. M (1931)
51. All About Eve (1950)
52. Bridge on the River Kwai, The (1957)
53. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
54. Se7en (1995)
55. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
56. Cidade de Deus (2002)
57. Raging Bull (1980)
58. Wizard of Oz, The (1939)
59. Rash?mon (1950)
60. Sting, The (1973)
61. American History X (1998)
62. Alien (1979)
63. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
64. Leon (The Professional) (1994)
65. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
66. Vita bella, La (1997) (Life Is Beautiful)
67. Touch of Evil (1958)
68. Manchurian Candidate, The (1962)
69. Wo hu cang long (2000) (Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon)
70. Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The (1948)
71. Great Escape, The (1963)
72. Clockwork Orange, A (1971)
73. Reservoir Dogs (1992)
74. Annie Hall (1977)
75. Amadeus (1984)
76. Jaws (1975)
77. Ran (1985)
78. On the Waterfront (1954)
79. Modern Times (1936)
80. High Noon (1952)
81. Braveheart (1995)
82. Apartment, The (1960)
83. Sixth Sense, The (1999)
84. Fargo (1996)
85. Aliens (1986)
86. Shining, The (1980)
87. Blade Runner (1982)
88. Strangers on a Train (1951)
89. Duck Soup (1933)
90. Metropolis (1927)
91. Finding Nemo (2003)
92. Donnie Darko (2001)
93. Toy Story 2 (1999)
94. Princess Bride, The (1987)
95. General, The (1927)
96. City Lights (1931)
97. Lola rennt (1998) (Run Lola Run)
98. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
99. Notorious (1946)
100. Sjunde inseglet, Det (1957)
Posted 20:56

The seven deadly sins
Snatched this survey from SPB:

ANGER
1. Who did you last get angry with?
Not sure, been such a long time. I'm slow to anger but have a massive explosion once it happens. If we're talking about just generally getting pissed off then it'd be today, at this one doctor.

2. What is your weapon of choice?
Words, lots of them, if is really reaches the anger stage. Usual tactic, before that, is to just walk away and block the whole incident from my mind.

3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?
No.

4. How about of the same sex?
No.

5. Who was the last person who got really angry with you?
My mother.

6. What is your pet peeve?
There's lots! One example: people who feel the need to talk nonsense constantly just to hear their own voice.

7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?
Just anger I can let go of eventually. In some cases it has taken me two years to fully forget, but I do eventually. It is possible for highly annoying people to eventually reach a point of no-return however.

SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time?
Properly clean and arrange my apartment.

2. What is the latest you've ever woken up?
Around 5pm or so, but that was during the time when I frequently went to sleep around 11am though.

3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't?
My previous best friend with whom I lost contact.

4. What is the last lame excuse you made?
To myself or to others? I make lame excuses to myself often, but for others I opt to go with the truth most often.

5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones...)?
No.

6. When was the last time you got a good workout in?
Last summer, biking.

7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?
I rarely use it. Better to just set the alarm at the latest possible time.

GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?
Yuppie? Hmm. Pepsi Max (=Diet Pepsi?)

2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat?
White.

3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?
I never count. Enough that I have no memory of the evening, puked all over myself and had the mother of all hang-overs. Never again.

4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?
No.

5. Do you have an issue with your weight?
Yes.

6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods?
I definately have a sweet tooth.

7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "LUNCH"?
Eeeewwww.

LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)?
Probably hundreds, if you count all the people at the dozens of swimming centers I've been to in my lifetime. Otherwise, ummm, 30? Too many to keep count of.

2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)?
If I saw them naked, they most likely saw me naked (see previous answer).

3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation?
I suppose sometimes, if it fell upon my field of vision.

5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice?
Does it count as a body part, dunno, but it would be hair.

6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?
Not that many male prostitutes around... Nope, I haven't.

7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy?
No.

GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own?
One is enough.

2. What's your guilty pleasure store?
DVDs.

3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it?
Start my own company.

4. Would you rather be rich, or famous?
Definately rich. I'd go crazy if I was constantly followed by photographers.

5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?
I already do a boring job for littlebucks.

6. Have you ever stolen anything?
Some candy when I was seven years old.

7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive?
Around 300.

PRIDE
1. What's one thing you've done that you're most proud of?
I guess how I have been able to get a 'life' and my continuing pursuit to improve it.

2. What's one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of?
I don't think my parents are proud of me. I mean sure they love me in their own quirky way, but in general they seem unsatisfied with my life choices and are not afraid to say so.

3. What's one thing that you would like to accomplish in your life?
To be able to look back without any regrets.

4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?
Sometimes. Sometimes I think I deserve better.

5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill that the competitors?
I rarely compete, but I am sure I must have just to boost my ego.

6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?
No. Too chicken to do it.

7. What did you do today that you're proud of?
Nothing.

ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own?
A significant other.

2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with?
That involves trading houses with somebody? With somebody who lives somewhere really warm right now.

3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?
A version of me that is beautiful and thin, has a job she loves, a husband who worships the ground she walks on and has a couple children.

4. Have you ever been cheated on?
Not that I have been aware of.

5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?
Oh have I ever... hundreds of times.

6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?
More outgoing.

7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey?
Err, no.

8. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin?
Pride. Too much of it isn't good, but within moderation it can drive people to better themselves and the world that they live in.
Posted 22:33

Recap of the year 2003
I see these year reviews done everywhere and like reading them, so I'll try to do a little recap of my own.

January 1st 2003 I was standing at Piccadilly Square in London, being pushed around by a large crowd while champagne rained down on me. I was surrounded by people and yet alone.

At the end of January I went back to Finland for a visit. It was very snowy. I took my mom's dog for walks in the nearby forest and took pictures.

It was extremely hard to leave Finland and go back to UK. This time I had my car with me however and the trip itself wasn't too bad. I like road trips. Met some friends in Holland along the way.

It's really hard to imagine that I spent nearly half of 2003 in England. Me? I actually did that? I left everything behind and tried to make a new life in another country? All alone? I'm really proud of myself.

The way back seemed to take forever. I left England on a Tuesday at the end of May and arrived in Finland on Friday. For a long time I was utterly bewildered and lost. I spent a month staring at the tv and sleeping.

July was a good month. The heat wave hit Finland and I went to the beach almost every day. I rode my bike and swam a lot and generally felt pretty good about life. I made plans about the rest of my life.

In August I realized that I had ran out of money and luckily found myself a job in a warehouse, packing cosmetic products. Any idiot could do that job, but at least they pay their idiots.

Something miraculous happened - I made two new friends. Not just one, but two. I meet new people all the time and on a good day manage to talk pleasantly with them, laugh with them and generally get along with these people. There's a whole bunch of friends' friends that I meet at parties for example. But as soon as our roads diverge, I never hear from them again. Those are not friends. This time however, by some lucky break that I didn't think I deserved, I well and truly connected with two new people.

After a few of months I was fired from my job only to be called back a week later. Since all my other job applications had never produced even a single 'no thank you' reply, I reluctantly returned to packing.

Mother's dog was diagnosed with cancer and a week later she was dead. I always used to think that the dog was spoiled rotten. It was so pampered and all of its needs and wants were met with instantly. The dog was the center of their entire universe. I used to think that was wrong somehow. Now I wish I had appreciated the dog more while she still lived. Not by pampering her even more, but simply in rejoicing more about her existance, acknowledging the fact that in all likelihood I would, by far, outlive her and therefore should take more pleasure from knowing her.

This lead me to think about my parents and how granted I usually take them for. While it's true that any of us could die any instant, it's still hard to consider my friends as mortals. Whereas my parents are clearly older than me and again, most likely, I will end up outliving them. As horrible a thought as it is, I can sort of picture myself years from now looking down on a grave and wishing that I could get just one day back to see my mother or father again. I am living those 'one day's right now and I don't think I have appreciated them enough.

All in all 2003 was a fairly hard year for me. Nothing really outwardly drastic happened, but still the year was filled with inner turmoils and indecisions. I remained stressed about my future, sometimes experiencing all-encompassing fears that my dreams would never come true.

2004 is the year to finally set things in motion. I finally know what I want with my life. Achieving those goals is not wholly up to me, so I am still occasionally gripped with utter terror, the panicky thoughts that if things do not go accord to plan, I will have nothing left.

2004 is a leap year and I hope that by the end of it I can proudly boast of having made a leap of my own.
Posted 12:02